A Higher Power for Atheists

I have had many experiences with atheists, mostly good. Everybody in A.A. has the right to his own opinion. It is much better to maintain an open and tolerant society than it is to suppress any small disturbances their opinions might occasion. Actually, I don't know of anybody who went off and died of alcoholism because of some atheist's opinions on the cosmos.

But I do always entreat these folks to look to a 'Higher Power' -namely, their own group. When they come in, most of their A.A. group is sober, and they are drunk. Therefore, the group is a 'Higher Power.' That's a good enough start, and most of them do progress from there. I know how they feel, because I was once that way myself.

LETTER, 1962
As Bill Sees It, p276

I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous yesterday called, We Agnostics.  I was stunned.  Everyone there was so incredibly honest with their feelings about humanity, their Higher Power.  They questioned everything!  After the meeting, some of them stayed behind to talk and I felt very welcome there.    I saw my Higher Power working through them, regardless of what their ideals were. 

I did notice a flicker of intolerance within me when the meeting was not closed with the Serenity Prayer or the Lord's Prayer, but it seemed to be more of a discomfort of what I am accustomed to, rather than a harsh judgment.   And, it probably didn't hurt that I saw signs that said "Live and Let Live" all around the room.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for loving each of us in our own diversity.  We are all different, but we are all One in Your Spirit, Your Love and I am grateful because I think life would be kind of boring if we were all the same.  Thank You.

Clearing A Channel

During the day, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request "Thy will, not mine, be done."

If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditations. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all -- our search for God's will, not our own, in the moment of stress.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p102-103

The theme this week appears to be decision-making, although that isn't my doing.  My Higher Power must want to help me make better decisions and is supplementing my toolbox.  I get up in the morning and one of the first things I say is "Thy Will Be Done".  Somehow I thought that would get me through the day on His Will and not mine.  This hasn't proven to be true for me.  In a blink of an eye, my ego can swell to an unimaginable size and completely remove from my awareness all connection to my true spiritual nature.  I am self-will run riot and back to fixing, patching and 'managing' again. 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for removing from me this defect of character that I may better know Thy Will.  Thank You for relieving me of the bondage of self, that I may be an instrument of Your Peace.  Thank You.

The Hour of Decision

Not all large decisions can be well made by simply listing the pros and cons of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the voice of intuition. If, in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.

If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance, and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation, logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.

But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear. Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience.Letter, 1966
As Bill Sees It, p202

Yesterday there was a lot of talk in the meeting about decision-making and this was the first page I turned to in AA material this morning.  I have accepted that my decisions will either produce a learning experience for me or they will be God's will for me and I will experience the happiness, joyousness and freedom the book talks about.  The part I am still working on is being still enough to listen for the small voice within.  I consistently make decisions based on old ideas and some of them are no longer valid.  It is hard for me to break the hypnosis and patterns of 'what has been' in my life.  I am one of those who lean on reason far too much that last mile.  Today, I will slow down and listen to that small voice within.  Thy Will, not mine, be done.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank You for your neverending patience with my unlearning old ideas that block me from the Sunlight of Spirit.  Thank You for giving me tools that will help me make decisions that are healthy and according to purpose.  Thank You.

Hearts Are Broken

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.  Hearts are broken.  Sweet relationships are dead.  Affections have been uprooted.  Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.  We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.  Big Book, p82

This was a difficult passage to hear when I was just starting my recovery.  I wanted to come up out of the storm cellar and say, "hey look honey, it's over" and get everyone so involved in the joy that I got sober and stop there.  I wasn't initially interested in cleaning up the damage the tornado (me) had caused either.  I expected everyone to trust me even though I had hurt them.  I expected them to treat me well and start me off on a clean slate just because I wasn't drinking.  I wanted a magic eraser to clear up the harm I had caused.  Only through working the steps, making amends to those I had wronged and becoming a living amends by not continuing the old behaviors has my life begun to change.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank You for the steps.  Thank You for not being to hard on me and making this new way of life possible.  Thank You. 

Twisted Relations

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.  Page 53, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Four

Twisted relations is right!  I did not realize how much we hold one another hostage until I began to share my 4th Step with my sponsor.  I saw how my own reaction and resentments are what shut me off from the Sunlight of the Spirit and it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.  I was such a big shot, or so I thought.   Every relation I had was based on a lie because I always kept the truth hidden, altered the truth or blatantly lied.  Much of the manipulation that I pulled off took the rights from other people.  All of their decisions regarding our interactions were founded in lies and half-truths.  How can I expect to be in a partnership with this kind of behavior?  It was always about me, me and me! 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the willingness to look at my defects of character.  Thank You for the willingness to write down those I have harmed.  Thank You for turning my big mess in to a message You can carry to others through me and my experiences.  Thank You.

Tradition Twelve

  Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.  Tradition Twelve

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Subordinating personal aims to the common good is the essence of all Twelve Traditions. Why A.A. could not remain a secret society. Principles come before personalities. One hundred percent anonymity at the public level. Anonymity is real humility.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Why is it good idea for me to place the common welfare of all AA members before individual welfare? What would happen to me if AA as a whole disappeared?
2. When I do not trust AA’s current servants, who do I wish had the authority to straighten them out?
3. In my opinions of and remarks about other AAs, am I implying membership requirements other than a desire to stay sober?
4. Do I ever try to get a certain AA group to conform to my standards, not its own?
5. Have I a personal responsibility in helping an AA group fulfill its primary purpose? What is my part?
6. Does my personal behavior reflect the Sixth Tradition—or belie it?
7. Do I do all I can do to support AA financially? When is the last time I anonymously gave away a Grapevine subscription?
8. Do I complain about certain AAs’ behavior—especially if they are paid to work for AA? Who made me so smart?
9. Do I fulfill all AA responsibilities in such a way as to please privately even my own conscience? Really?
10. Do my utterances always reflect the Tenth Tradition, or do I give AA critics real ammunition?
11. Should I keep my AA membership a secret, or reveal it in private conversation when that may help another alcoholic (and therefore me)? Is my brand of AA so attractive that other drunks want it?
12. What is the real importance of me among more than a million AAs?

Tradition Eleven

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.  Tradition Eleven


From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Public relations are important to A.A. Good public relations save lives. We seek publicity for A.A. principles, not A.A. members. The press has cooperated. Personal anonymity at the public level is the cornerstone of our public relations policy. Eleventh Tradition is a constant reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A. Each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship.


Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I sometimes promote AA so fanatically that I make it seem unattractive?
2. Am I always careful to keep the confidences reposed in me as an AA member?
3. Am I careful about throwing AA names around—even within the Fellowship?
4. Am I ashamed of being a recovered, or recovering, alcoholic?
5. What would AA be like if we were not guided by the ideas in Tradition Eleven? Where would I be?
6. Is my AA sobriety attractive enough that a sick drunk would want such a quality for himself?

Tradition Ten

Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.  Tradition Ten

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
A.A. does not take sides in any public controversy. Reluctance to fight is not a special virtue. Survival and spread of A.A. are our primary aims. Lessons learned from Washingtonian movement.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I ever give the impression that there really is an “AA opinion” on Antabuse? Tranquilizers? Doctors? Psychiatrists? Churches? Hospitals? Jails? Alcohol? The federal or state government? Legalizing marijuana? Vitamins? Al-Anon? Alateen?
2. Can I honestly share my own personal experience concerning any of those without giving the impression I am stating the “AA opinion”?
3. What in AA history gave rise to our Tenth Tradition?
4. Have I had a similar experience in my own AA life?
5. What would AA be without this Tradition? Where would I be?
6. Do I breach this or any of its supporting Traditions in subtle, perhaps unconscious, ways?
7. How can I manifest the spirit of this Tradition in my personal life outside AA? Inside AA?

Tradition Nine

AA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Tradition Nine
From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Special service boards and committees. The General Service Conference, the board of trustees, and group committees cannot issue directives to A.A. members or groups. A.A.'s can't be dictated to— individually or collectively. Absence of coercion works because unless each A.A. follows suggested Steps to recovery, he signs his own death warrant. Same condition applies to the group. Suffering and love are A.A.'s disciplinarians. Difference between spirit of authority and spirit of service. Aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I still try to boss things in AA?
2. Do I resist formal aspects of AA because I fear them as authoritative?
3. Am I mature enough to understand and use all elements of the AA program—even if no one makes me do so—with a sense of personal responsibility?
4. Do I exercise patience and humility in any AA job I take?
5. Am I aware of all those to whom I am responsible in any AA job?
6. Why doesn’t every AA group need a constitution and bylaws?
7. Have I learned to step out of an AA job gracefully—and profit thereby—when the time comes?
8. What has rotation to do with anonymity?  With humility?

Tradition Eight

Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Tradition Eight
From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
You can't mix the Twelfth Step and money. Line of cleavage between voluntary Twelfth Step work and paid-for services. A.A. could not function without full-time service workers. Professional workers are not professional A.A.'s. Relation of A.A. to industry, education, etc. Twelfth Step work is never paid for, but those who labor in service for us are worthy of their hire.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Is my own behavior accurately described by the Traditions? If not, what needs changing?
2. When I chafe about any particular Tradition, do I realize how it affects others?
3. Do I sometimes try to get some reward—even if not money—for my personal AA efforts?
4. Do I try to sound in AA like an expert on alcoholism? On recovery? On medicine? On sociology? On AA itself? On psychology? On spiritual matters? Or, heaven help me, even on humility?
5. Do I make an effort to understand what AA employees do? What workers in other alcoholism agencies do? Can I distinguish clearly among them?
6. In my own AA life, have I any experiences which illustrate the wisdom of this Tradition?
7. Have I paid enough attention to the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions? To the pamphlet AA Tradition—How It Developed?

Tradition Seven

Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Tradition Seven

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
No A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this one did. Collective poverty initially a matter of necessity. Fear of exploitation. Necessity of separating the spiritual from the material. Decision to subsist on A.A. voluntary contributions only. Placing the responsibility of supporting A.A. headquarters directly upon A.A. members. Bare running expenses plus a prudent reserve is headquarters policy.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Honestly now, do I do all I can to help AA (my group, my central office, my GSO) remain self-supporting? Could I put a little more into the basket on behalf of the new guy who can’t afford it yet? How generous was I when tanked in a barroom?
2. Should the Grapevine sell advertising space to book publishers and drug companies, so it could make a big profit and become a bigger magazine, in full color, at a cheaper price per copy?
3. If GSO runs short of funds some year, wouldn’t it be okay to let the government subsidize AA groups in hospitals and prisons?
4. Is it more important to get a big AA collection from a few people, or a smaller collection in which more members participate?
5. Is a group treasurer’s report unimportant AA business? How does the treasurer feel about it?
6. How important in my recovery is the feeling of self-respect, rather than the feeling of being always under obligation for charity received?