Inventory

"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four."  Big Book p63
When it comes to resentments, I was taught that I needed to take someone (something if it is principle/institution) else's inventory to move everything out of the way to get to my 'side of the street'.  I write down who angered me.  I write down what I was offended by and what it affected inside of me.  Did it affect my relationships, my self-esteem, my finances, etc.?  It is so important to get to the cause within myself that creates this 'reaction' of resentment.    When I dig deep enough, I always find fear and selfish-self-centeredness.  There is always something I am 'attached' to and often it is results that I am expecting because of this deep rooted selfishness that my ego strives so incredibly hard to protect. 
Thank you Higher Power for showing me a way out of resentment and into love.  Thank you for the willingness to forgive myself, so that I may have beautiful relationships.  Thank you.

True Brother(Sister)hood

We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brother(sister)hood we had small comprehension. 12x12 p53

I am on of those on the "all or nothing" program.  I never looked at it like struggling to the top of the heap because I was always taught to 'do my very best'.  Upon reflection, I can see where I was trying to feel worthy, gain approval and seek kudos from people just for some semblance of 'feeling okay'.  And so it went with alcohol.  The addictions are so subtle that I am still learning to be a friend a little more each day.  It is difficult when I forget to check my motives, find out after the fact that I have been people-pleasing and then just wake up one morning with a pile of undealth with resentments.  The program teaches me how to get out of it,  I simply just need to humbly ask God to help me with this self-centered behavior and be grateful that today, at least I can see it.  When I was drinking, I wouldn't have cared less.

Have you ever thought just how sick you are to want to be a Big Shot in an anonymous program?  lol!  That is so me!

Thank you God.  Thank you for the little progress each day.  It is nice to be able to bask in the Fellowship of the Spirit and just be one among many and feeling just oneness itself with everyone.  Thank you. 

Inspiration

"...we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more on the plane of inspiration.  We come to rely upon it."  Big Book, p87

With the world moving so fast, I know I can't possibly rely on every thought that goes through my head.  I can, by practicing prayer and meditation, surrender to Wisdom and get in tune with the Truth.  This is so important right now with all of the politics, despair and hopelessness on TV and during lunch room breaks at work.  The bombardment of information is incredibly overwhelming.  I must continue to practice getting into that stillness that allows me to intuitively hear and know what the book is really saying and act upon it by practicing the principles in all my affairs. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for helping me stay the course.  Thank you for helping me focus upon the principles and inpsiring me, one day at a time, to stay physically sober and sober in thought.  Thank you.

Demonstration

But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong.  He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will that in our talk of spiritual discoveries.  Big Book p77

If you don't walk the walk, don't talk the talk!  That is the first thing that entered my head.  When I hurt someone, they don't want to hear about how wonderful I am now.  They want to see how I've changed.  This doesn't happen by my spouting off pompously and arrogantly how I have a Higher Power and that I am loved and all that stuff.  They want to see action.  What am I "doing" differently as a result of this spiritual connection?  Do I care about others, or am I still behaving selfishly?  Am I helpful?  Do I still want to be right all the time, or do I try kindness as an alternative now? 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for leading me away from my selfish, dysfunctional patterns.  Thank you for showing me Oneness.  Thank you for allowing me to focus, a day at a time, on what your Will is, rather than my own selfish desires.  Thank you.

Serious Alcoholic

If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution.  We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is not return through human aid, we had but two alternatives:  One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the concsiousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.  Big Book p25

First it was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems. 

When I think about the words "go on to the bitter end", I cannot comprehend what that might be like.  I was already in hell when I got here.   I didn't see any choice except to accept spiritual help.  I was so desperate. 

Thank you Higher Power for pointing me to the rooms when I became desperate enough to seek help.  Thank you for your love when I was at that point of complete defeat.  Thank you.

You Are On Your Way

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question.  "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?"  As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.  Big Book p47
I am on my way!  I can see a Higher Power at work in several different ways.  There is a Higher Power that helps life grow, even when completely unattended by man.  In fact, many of the most beautiful landscapes are amazing because they are left alone.  There is some Higher Force at work that causes me to breathe, without effort.  There are endless stars in the sky that I cannot reach.  There is the loving, collective consciousness in a room that is a Power greater than me.  The Principles of the program are greater than me.  The Unity is greater than me. 

Thank you Higher Power.  I am grateful that I can see evidence that there is something bigger, greater and more substantial than me, by myself.  I am grateful for the shared love in the rooms and your Presence within me. Thank you.  

Working with Others

Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him.  Big Book p94

I share with another person that there is a solution and that these are the steps I took.  I point to the steps, sharing what it was like when I was active, and how I surrendered the unmanageability of my life to a Higher Power that could straighten out the mess I created.  I let the person know that I had to clear the wreckage of my past and that I am still working on it today. I share how I picked out someone to share my 4th/5th step with.  I share what it is like to make amends to those that I thought it might be hard to make amends with.  And I share that life keeps getting better and better.  But most of all, I share that we take it easy and don't try to do all of these things at once.   I share that the mess has been straightened out based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.  I share that the reason I am here to share at all is that God turned my own mess into a message made just for the person I am sharing with.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for turning my messes into messages when I am open to hearing them.   Thank you for showing me that everything was needed in my life to get me to right here and right now.  Thank you for your Power to carry out these steps .  

Finding God

If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.  Big Book p95

At almost a year in the program, I totally thought I knew everything there was to know about God, how to find God, how to work with God.  Oh My!  I turned into the most self-righteous know-it-all.

I thought that I could engineer other people's recovery and not only that, but engineer their Path and get them on it.  After several talks from my sponsor and other members of the program, I realized that although the Path I was on was working for me, it may not be the answer for everyone.  I am so grateful to them for saying something.  If they would not have said anything, I may not have opened up to a world of Yoga, Hinduism, Buddhism, Wiccan or Kabbalah, among others.  When I stopped trying to force feed a desire into newcomers, I started to find greater desire within me.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for pointing me inward.  Thank you for showing me the Keys to the Kingdom and giving me the courage to try to unlock the open secrets within.  Thank you.

Creditors

Most alcoholics owe money.  We do not dodge our creditors.  Big Book p78
It is hard to read this quote during the tough economic times we are having all over the world right now.  

When active in my addiction, I lived in a state of perpetual fantasy.  I was always 90 days late on my payments, barely hanging on to my two kids and my apartment, and not always functional enough to show up to work.   When I got into program, in the first few months, I was laid off, my car was repossessed and I found myself on unemployment.  I would get very angry when people told me my finances would improve and that it was the character defects that were tough to overcome.  Slowly, a little at a time, I am still making my way out of debt.  I know my debt is a result of my own choices.  And I have discovered that while my debt is minimizing, I still have a lot of work to do on my character defects.

And there are those who cannot pay their debts.  Every day now, I read about old people eating cat food to get by on social security, homes being foreclosed on, and AA speakers with decades of sobriety up at the podium discussing the humility of reading this sentence while in the middle of bankruptcy because few can find work.   While I cannot afford to "loll in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation".  What I can do is have compassion.

Whether we face bankruptcy or slowly make our way out of debt, it doesn't matter.  In either case, we didn't run back to the bottle!

Thank you Higher Power for keeping me sober today.   Thank you for showing me the next indicated step with my finances, one moment at a time.  Thank you for removing the defects of character I am willing to surrender to you.  Thank you.

Inclusive

To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. Big Book p46

My sponsor once told me, "a loving person lives in a loving world and a hateful person lives in a hateful world."  If I earnestly seek and I practice Spiritual Principles like kindness, generosity, honesty and humility in all my affairs, then I can let go of ego thought and focus on the Principles.  Notice I use the word practice!  We do not claim perfection.  It doesn't mean the ego thoughts aren't there, it just means that I don't have to focus on them.   When my thoughts start to separate myself from another person, that is when I know it is from ego.  When my ego thought is aimed at another person, especially someone in a meeting, then I know I am in danger. 

Spirituality doesn't separate.  It is all inclusive.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for this day.  Thank you for the smiles and hugs I receive from others at the meetings.  Thank you for showing me, a day at a time, how to stay sober in thought and in action.  Thank you.

Stopped Fighting

After all, our problems were of our own making... Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything.  We have to! - Big Book of A.A. p103

We have stopped fighting anybody or anything?  You have got to be kidding me!  I recently came across a situation that caused me to stop and reread this portion of the Big Book.  My sponsor asked me to dress up for the meeting on Sunday where we are receiving our tokens. 

"We do it to show respect for what this program has done for us". 
And my sponsor hasn't ever met or listened to Johnny H. or Clancy I, who I know would back my sponsor up in a heartbeat!  I'll be damned if I didn't immediately go into this spiral of thinking about how Jesus didn't dress up and how horrible it was that my sponsor asked ME to change!  I mean, isn't the program all about unconditional love?  "I should be accepted for me no matter what I am wearing dammit!"  What was my sponsor thinking! 

A few days later this little voice in my head spoke up, "We stopped fighting people, places and things."  And a few hours later, this passages is glaring at me from the Big Book. 

While I have been wallowing in poor me, poor me, pour me a drink..it suddenly dawns on me that I am judging my sponsor, the request itself, etc., and that the program says, I am not supposed to fight it.  Guess what?  I will be dressed up next Sunday and with a smile and not a resentment!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for removing this resentment, for guiding me to the right words in the Big Book and for giving me the willingness to be kind rather than righteous!  Thank you.

Faith or Fear

All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. The Big Book p68

When I direct my attention on what my Higher Power would have me be then, for the moment, I do not react from fear.  Instead, I am able to respond from love.  In the moment, I no longer fear because my ego is not looking for credit or control.  Everything simply "is what it is" and I can accept it as it is right now.  When my ego is reacting to situations, they become volatile, manipulative, and things need to fit some mental image of what I think they should be.  When I respond from love, my conscious state of connection to God and my fellows, there is a kindness, a rightness, a beauty in everything and the fear simply dissolves.

Thank you God.  Thank you for showing me how to lovingly detach from the illusion of my own thinking.  Thank you for offering me the opportunities to practice the principles in all of my affairs.  Thank you.

Grace

As they are humbled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, the grace of God can enter them and expel their obsessions.  12x12 - p64

Grace appears 23 times in the Big Book and 12x12.  It can defined in various ways, including pardon, reprieve and 'stay of execution'.  Where my disease was taking me was a slow, painful execution and grace is certainly a stay from that execution.  The Big Book says, "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition".  It takes what it takes to get here (the beating administered by our disease) and it takes what it takes to stay here (maintenance of our spiritual condition).  Grace is a gift, just as humility is a gift.  And the only way to these gifts is to have the willingness to receive them. 

Thank you Spirit.   Thank you for the glimpses into each gift.  Thank you for the daily reprieve today.  Thank you for the miracle of recovery and the message of hope.  Thank you.

Willpower

Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 1 p22
No amount of human knowledge or willpower will get us through those deep rooted challenges where there is a break in reason, from our limited human perception.  When something deeply challenging and 'unreasonable' happens, such as an accident, a child's death or maybe a termination of employment when you have been doing a 'good job', your first thought might be, "why me?", or "how could this have happened?", or "It doesn't make any sense".  This can signal break in reason where our limited human mind potential cannot understand.  We cannot see the bigger picture.  This is why we need a Power Greater Than Ourselves.  We need to align ourselves with the energies of faith and let go of reason "that last mile".  Only when we place Trust in this Power to comfort, love and guide us, will we be able to let go of our addictions. We cannot do this alone.

Thank you God.  Thank you for that moment of honesty that brought me to the rooms.  Thank you for giving me enough Power, one day at a time, to remain free from the insanity and for releasing me from the mental obsession.  Thank you for the principles of the program that have guided me to rely on you more and on my ego less.  Thank you.

Short Cuts

Don't look for short cuts.  You don't need any.  Enjoy recovery, one day at a time. - Beyond 90 days, Page 5

I actively practiced one of my addictions for 35 years.  And the addiction itself is just a symptom of a deeper rooted problem, selfish self-centeredness.  I tried to be like the members with a lot of time in the program, which was my version of "fake it til you make it".  I started the 12-step illusion about my second week in the program.  I was on Step One, still sitting in the fog of the first 90-days, but giving other members all kinds of comments and advice, both during the meetings and on breaks.  My sponsor finally told me, "you can't give away what you don't have".  That was his very polite way of saying "shut up!"  There was another dear member who used to say, "take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth!"  I wanted to fit in so badly and be "recovered" and be a part of the group.  I wanted to focus on anything that would distract me from looking at me.  I wanted a short cut!  One day at a time, I heard more and more and as the days passed, I am starting to slowly to understand a little about Step One, then Step Two, then Tradition One, and on and on. 

Thank you God.  Thank you for the opportunity to study, learn and experience the Steps.  Thank you for showing me that the Steps are much better than the elevator.  Thank you for revealing to me that my impatience has been much more of a detriment to my spiritual growth than I ever knew before.  Thank you.

Is or Isn't?

"...God is everything or else He is nothing.  God either is, or He isn't.  What was our choice to be?" Big Book, Page 53

I did not know how to come to terms with a Higher Power called "God" when I came into the program.  I could believe in the program, the fellowship and some of the principles, but God?  This was so difficult for me.  My sponsor told me to study the book, "Don't read it, Study it!" and "Don't memorize, Utilize!".  I can still hear my sponsor as if it were yesterday.  As I was studying, I came across the word "God" and looked it up in the dictionary, just as I was doing with other words in the book.  There was a definition in there that I could live with.  It said God is the "ultimate reality".  I knew reality existed because even though my concept of it was skewed, I could hold onto that definition.  And it was right at that moment when I accepted that "God Is", however feeble my understanding.

Thank you God that Is!  Thank you for revealing Yourself to me when I was ready to accept what You had to offer.  Although, now that I look back and know You have always been available, I am grateful that I was finally able to see You.  Thank you.

Money

Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we find we cannot place money first.  For us, material well-being always follows spiritual progress; it never precedes.  Big Book - Page 127, As Bill Sees It - Page 177
I have always struggled with money.  What is reasonable spending anyway?  When am I being too miserly?  When am I spending too much?  In the West, where money is God to a great many people, I have found opportunity to learn this and experience it by seeking people who are/were examples of this passage in the book and emulating them in some way.  There are so many people who have walked away from riches to set an example of human awakening and compassion.   A beautiful example can be found in Bill's story in Tradition Two, when he chose the group conscience over a job he felt he desperately needed to pay the bills (we might not be in this beautiful program if he made another choice!).   One of Bill's quotes, also found in Tradition Two is, "Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best". 

Thank you God.  Thank you for removing the chains of self-bondage.  Thank you for removing any obsession of money or financial insecurity.  May I stay in a place where I seek you first and do not worry over what will be added, knowing that my needs for this day are met.  One Day at a Time.  Thank you.    

About Sex

If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others.  We think of their needs and work for them.  This takes us out of ourselves. - Big Book, Page 70

The Big Book talks about how many of us could write novels about our sexual escapades, but to keep our focus on recovery.  Often, you hear in a meeting room, "no relationships for a year" if you are not already in one.  And if the one you are in doesn't work out, they say the same thing.  When I came into the rooms, I was spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt.  I recall trying to fill myself up with sex just as much as any other addiction.  It was a need for approval, and as a woman, I often exchanged sex for what I hoped would be love. I often put myself in precarious situations with strangers.  I wore a cloak of self-loathing, without the accessorie of self-esteem.  I gave myself completely to the program and immediately began service work.  I helped others and they helped me. 

Thank you God.  Thank you for the gift of recovery.  I woke up this morning and I looked in the mirror and said, "I love you", to the person staring back at me.  Thank you for this program filling me up with love, so that I don't have to seek it in dangerous places.  Thank you.

Any Lengths

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it — then you are ready to take certain steps. - Big Book, Page 62
I love this caption from the Big Book.  It says two things to me.  One, it tells me how to share my story.  We disclose in a "general way" what it used to be like.  For me, this means not going into details of my 4th step or my addiction horror stories in my sharing.  It took what it took for me to get here.  I earned my seat, simply because the only requirement is a desire to stop.  What seems important is what happened when I came into the room and what I am like today.  What we used to be like helps the newcomer identify.  What happened lets the newcomer know how it works.  And what I am like now, hopefully, gives the newcomer some hope. 

Two, It tells me I still have to be willing to go to any length to get it, from day one to day 20,000.  I pray that I always stay just humble enough to want to go to any lengths to stay clean from my addiction(s). And I know a continuous working of the 12 steps is required to maintain this condition.

Thank you God.  Thank you for always guiding me to the right people, the right meetings and the right opportunities to practice the steps in all my affairs.  Thank you for turning my willingness into enough to stay clean.  Thank you God.

Serenity Prayer

...Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr

When we read the beginning of this prayer in meetings, I often forget there is more to it.  I seek solace, comfort and care in the words as we hold hands at the end of a meeting.  However, I forget my responsibility that follows and these are simple tasks, but not easy ones!  Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace?  Taking the sinful world as it is and not how I want it to look?  Surrender to His Will?  May I not forget that there is footwork I must do to maintain my abstinence, and day-by-day, grow just a tiny bit wiser.

Higher Power,
Thank you for always making things right.  Thank you for turning my messes into Divine messages!  Thank you.

Problem-Solving

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us  - The Promises
I was told by my first sponsor to demonstrate spiritual principles in all my affairs. I was told I must work the steps, share my findings and practice the solutions.  It is important, imperative really, that I work with others just as he and now she (new sponsor) has worked with me.  If I do not give away what I have been given, I can lose this gift.  If I fail to grow spiritually by working the steps and working with others, then I may not be able to make it through situations if they get harder.  In fact, I will not grow in character, because I will withdraw back into my shell and perhaps right back into my addiction.  Situations that baffled me in my past, will continue to baffle me in the future.  I will not be able to live the Promises if I don't do the footwork.

Thank you God.  Thank you for the awareness that keeps me out of complacency and continues to draw me nearing to the Solution, which is You.  Thank you for increasing my staying-power and changing my thoughts when I 'think I have it all covered now'.  Thank you.   

Choices

I don't let the negative phase me; I let the positive raise me - Facebook / Living The Promises
I don't know who to credit with this quote, but this is where I saw it and it blew me away.  I have a choice.  I can focus on the negative or I can focus on the positive.  I think about all of those pity parties where I obsessed over what was wrong with all the people, places or things I didn't like.  I created drama upon drama in my mind.  Now, if I take all that energy and focus on what's good in my life, then that just multiplies and multiplies!   I have this one example that runs through my mind when I think of this topic.  If someone shuts a door on me when I am walking into a store, do I think a negative thought about the inconsideration?  Or, do I think about the 1000's of times someone has opened a door for me and rest in that gratefulness? 

Higher Power,
Thank you for the blessing of choice.  It's a great ride!

Powerlessness

We must honestly accept, admit and unconditionally surrender to this powerlessness in order to proceed with our recovery.  - Page 36 - A New Beginning

Some dictionary.com definitions...Accept - to consider as true or believe in
Admit - to allow or concede as valid
Surrender - to allow (oneself) to yield, as to a temptation, influence, etc

I have tried so many times to stop actively participating in my own self-destruction and I was unable to.  I had no power to control my own choices anymore.  I tried several different methods or systems to help control the addiction, including the "only on Tuesday", "only one" and "only when I am in Vegas" and none of these worked!  I had forgotten how to choose.  I needed help and had to get to a meeting and admit this powerlessness.  I conceded to this powerlessnes.  I asked for help.  Help from a room of people I never met.  And I needed help from a Higher Power I didn't even have a name for yet.   

Higher Power,
I believe I have had one moment of rigorous honesty and that is the moment I accepted to my innermost self that I can no longer control my addiction.  I thank You for Your grace in giving me the power to not gamble, drink, use and smoke today.  Just for today is all I need.  Thank you.

Utter Defeat

We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. - page 21 - Twelve by Twelve

This passage in the 12x12 makes me incredibly grateful for my addictions.  I know now, that without practicing drug addiction, alcoholism, compulsive gambling, smoking, overeating, etc., that I would not have come into a program of recovery and now a new way of life.  It was difficult to walk into a meeting with a group of strangers and say, "I NEED YOU".  I always thought I knew better and that I had all the answers.  I was so wrong and I am so grateful I found a new way of life that is helping me continue to discover newfound liberation and strength with each passing day.

Higher Power,
The moment I said, "I need you", You were there.  And then I came to find out You are always here.  Thank you for removing these chains of self bondage.  Thank you for removing these cloaks of self-hatred and bitterness.  Thank you for relieving all my burdens.   

Prayer

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him.  Praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out - Step 11

The most important purpose of prayer is to lift myself up to a higher state of consciousness.  This happens when I get still, listen and open up my heart and mind to God.  To ask God to meet my whims and wants or demands and expectations is like trying to get God to behave in a way that I think is best.  Allowing God to take care of me, my family, etc., can be difficult when I am facing a challenge or something I don't like or want. I trust that God knows the best way. For me, surrender is best.   It seems that only through this surrender, I find "the power to carry it out."

Higher Power,
Thank you.  Thank you for the Divine connection that is available to me at any moment.  Thank you for showing me a path of peace that begins with trusting that you know far better than I do what is best for me and those around me.  Thank you.

Gratitude

It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good.  - C.S. Lewis

I cannot count the number of times that I have been so focused on what I thought I needed to make me happy, that I missed the gifts of the day.  Looking back, can you see a time when you wanted something specific?  Did you want it so much that you missed everything else going on?  I can get so dialed-in on making my own will happen that I miss the blessings that are presented to me throughout the day.  And, when I miss the gifts, I forget to be grateful.  There are so many miracles that happen each day.  I won't miss them if I don't try to make them fit my image of what they should look like.

Higher Power,
I am so grateful for the blessings of each day.  Whether it be waking up to a good song, finding quiet time, or just enjoying each little moment as it comes.  When I stop forcing my own way upon You and accept all that you have to offer, I feel deep peace and gratitude in all my affairs. 

Be The Example

It doesn't do me any good for you to tell me I need to get some self-esteem or self-acceptance or I need to turn it over... It's like telling me I need to speak French.... Teach me, show me through your example how to get to a place of forgiveness."  - Mariasha, Chapter Eight Introduction - A Sponsorship Guide for 12-Step Programs

I recall feeling / thinking this way when I first got into the program.  I didn't like anyone telling me who to be or what to be.  I knew that I wanted something better.  I just didn't know how to get from there to here.  There were amazing examples to follow all over the program.  Men and women of all shapes, sizes, educations and each with their own strengths and weakness.  These were people who spoke in "I" form and shared their personal experience, strength and hope.  They gave me the 'identification' I needed to know I was right where I was supposed to be.

I am cautious today, not to fall into the pattern of thinking I know what is best for someone else because something worked for me, because that can be a trap too!  The best I can do is share my own story, one person to another. 

Higher Power,
Thank you for showing me this wonderful world of brilliant examples.  I did not know how disfunctional I was until I stepped into a recovery room.  I didn't know that this world was available to me.  Thank you for allowing me to pay it forward, just by simply being me.

People-Pleasing

Know your limits.  Know when to say no.  There may be a few people who are offended by limits that you set, but usually those are the ones trying to control or manipulate you.  - Page 139 - More Language of Letting Go

No.  What a difficult word to say!  There are often times when I find myself saying yes, when I mean no.  I try to fit one more thing in my day, knowing that I am exhausted.  Or, I say yes to an invitation that doesn't interest me.  Or I say yes to helping, not from the sheer joy of giving, but for the reward of 'being liked' or the guilt that stems from a false sense of responsibility.  Today, I will refrain from saying yes for any other reason than the love in my heart.  I will take care of myself and say no when it is the most loving thing to do.  I will remember there are times when I do need to, "close the open hand out of love."

Higher Power,
Thank you for the understanding that I have choices and I can make decisions based on what brings me the most joy.  Knowing, that if I am living from a place of joy, that all of my relationships benefit and I am free to be me!

Guilt

One can always look back, and must in making amends, but no longer do you have to live with your personal guilt back - page 41, the Red Book of Gamblers Anonymous

One of the promises in the program of AA is, "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"What a gift this is!  I can objectively look at my past, including all of my indiscretions, without guilt.  This is a shame-busting program!   I don't have to shut the door on any part of my past, nor do I need to wallow in those parts I used to be so ashamed of.  I can now share my experience with others, including the lessons, so that I may learn more from them and perhaps pass along the gift.  Another gift in itself! 

Higher Power,
Thank you for showing me that everything that has happened in my life has been for a reason.  There is nothing good or bad in my past.  There are many things that needed correction to align myself with You and a better way of life and I am grateful I have been shown this path. 

Old Ideas

So we in recovery constantly seek to renew this experience of putting down or releasing our opinions and letting go of our old ways and ideas, always acutely aware that they are still present, ever ready to pounce and re-enslave our lives in changes of ignorance and disease - Page 100, The Zen of Recovery


This is the greater part of the inventory process.  And, it demands 'rigorous honesty'!  Letting go of things, ideas, behaviors, etc., that no longer serve my Higher Power, another human being or myself is necessary.  I need to take stock in what is of service and what destroys.   Any defects that stand in the way of my practicing principles, such as kindness, generosity, honesty and humility, have to be removed.  Just for today, this may mean that I simply allow "what is" to be there, without needing to control, fix or manipulate.

Higher Power,
Thank you for bringing me closer to the Principles that are you!  Thank you for showing me a new way of thinking and living.  Thank you for, day-by-precious-day, restoring me to sanity.

Self-Will

"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success." - Page 60, Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book

My first thought on reading this passage is, "My best thinking got me here!"

self-will n - stubborn adherence to one's own will, desires, etc., esp at the expense of others

Dictionaries are powerful!  Yes, my addictions covered up much of this behavior.  "I want, what I want, when I want it", and nothing was going to stop me.  My addictions covered up the pain I was causing myself and others, until my addictions became pain all by themselves.   Self-will leads me to believe I am the center of the universe.  It puts me in the spirit of "I deserve", "poor me", and "if only".

Higher Power,
The insanity of my own choices has brought me to the point of complete defeat.  I am convinced that my choices do not lead to any definition I have of success.  My choices lead me to spiritual, financial, emotional and physical bankruptcy.  I cannot do this on my own.  I am open to you showing me new ways of living that are of the highest good for myself and others.