Powerlessness

We must honestly accept, admit and unconditionally surrender to this powerlessness in order to proceed with our recovery.  - Page 36 - A New Beginning

Some dictionary.com definitions...Accept - to consider as true or believe in
Admit - to allow or concede as valid
Surrender - to allow (oneself) to yield, as to a temptation, influence, etc

I have tried so many times to stop actively participating in my own self-destruction and I was unable to.  I had no power to control my own choices anymore.  I tried several different methods or systems to help control the addiction, including the "only on Tuesday", "only one" and "only when I am in Vegas" and none of these worked!  I had forgotten how to choose.  I needed help and had to get to a meeting and admit this powerlessness.  I conceded to this powerlessnes.  I asked for help.  Help from a room of people I never met.  And I needed help from a Higher Power I didn't even have a name for yet.   

Higher Power,
I believe I have had one moment of rigorous honesty and that is the moment I accepted to my innermost self that I can no longer control my addiction.  I thank You for Your grace in giving me the power to not gamble, drink, use and smoke today.  Just for today is all I need.  Thank you.