Conditions

We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't we became alcoholics.  It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p47

I always felt like a victim.  I believed that everything that wasn't within my control was a punishment for some bad behavior and that I was relatively worthless as a human being.  I grew up in a household where 'achievements' were praised.  When I couldn't arrange and order things to my satisfaction, I felt like a complete failure.  Only after coming into the rooms did I discover that it was my character that needed changing and not the outer conditions.  One day at a time I get the answers, guidance and power to carry out whatever is mine to do.  The rest is beyond my control and now I see it as a gift and pleasure to watch life unfold before my eyes.  Things still happen and life is still in session, but I can face these things each day and act accordingly.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for lifting me out of the victim mentality and into the growing mentality.  Thank you for removing the defects of character that you have and thank you for lifting the defects to come.  Thank you.

Biased and Unreasonable

We asked ourselves this:  Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material?  Big Book p51

It is difficult for me to keep an openmind, when my preconceived ideas are tested.  Knowledge can only take me so far, but it is so engrained that I get overwhelmed when I am asked to see beyond what I can see with my physical senses.  And, the things I believe are true, are validated over and over by media, knowledge experts, etc., that when something comes into question, I must meditate and get still to allow the answers to come.  It seems to be the only real way to shed all of the programming from my past experiences and come to the truth.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing yourself to me in different ways throughout the years.  Thank you for enough vision for me to accept you are there, always.  Thank you.

Morning Thoughts

On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead.  We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives.  Free of these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use.  Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives.

If we have to determine which of two courses to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision.  Then we relax and take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, asking especially for freedom from damaging self-will.  As Bill Sees It, p243

How I apply this today is, "Is it coming from a place of honesty, openmindedness, willingness and love?  Or is it coming from a place of me, my and mine?"  or "Is it come from a place of service or is it coming from a place of self-seeking?"  While I am not always good at following through, I am getting better at recognizing the difference.

Thank you Higher Power for some 'wisdom to know the difference".  Thank you for allowing me the freedom to choose.  And thank you for continued guidance.  Thank you.

Morals and Philosophy

"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how hard we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could wish these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled (or directed) by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly."  Big Book, p44

I tried many times to control my addiction.  I tried to be a moral and upstanding citizen, somehow thinking that my virtues would keep me from taking another drink.  This passages takes me to the introduction of the Beatitudes in Emmet Fox's Sermon on the Mount.  I follow all of these different rituals and routines thinking it will win me God's favor or something and I have it backwards.   If I behave this way, I will receive punishment.  The problem is that I don't think of it in terms of consequences for my own actions.  I think of it as this outside "God" punishing me for my bad behavior, much like my parents did.   In reality, I already have all of the Love and Power I need, but the paradox is to surrender to it, not try to 'accomplish it'.  It is already done for me and I just need to keep aligning myself with it through prayer accepting it through meditation and contemplation.
Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for another moment with a clear mind and an open heart.  Thank you for giving me these insights each day so that I do not find myself moved away from you.  Thank you.   

Self-Knowledge

He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic.  Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!  Big Book, p37

Gotta love those rationalizations!  Here are a few of mine.

"Only one, just to relax"
"If I stick to beer tonight, then I won't drink too much because beer isn't as good"
"Drinking wine with the other executives at work is expected of me"
"I am so much more fun when I drink"
"I dance better when I have had a few"

What are yours?

Thank you Higher Power for the chuckle I get out of reading my own thoughts.  No wonder my best thinking got me here!  Thank you.

Trust God and Clean House

"Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." Big Book, p98

So powerful!  And I believe it.  I have seen so many miracles in the rooms.  I have seen people come into the program and thought they wouldn't make it back to sanity.  Yes, judgment, I know, but I have to say that in every single case so far, I have been proven wrong, when the person followed our path.  It truly amazes me the depth of healing that can happen in the room and by following these 12 steps and traditions. 

Thank you Higher Power.  I am so grateful to watch newcomers in the fellowship change from a hopeless state of mind and body into what they never even knew their potential could be.  Thank you for astounding me and humbling me and giving me this beautiful gift.  Thank you.

We Have To Live It!

The spiritual life is not a theory.  We have to live it.  Unless one's family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them.  We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters.  They will change in time.  Our behavior will convince them more than our words.  We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone.  Big Book, p83

Self-righteousness is one of my greatest shortcomings.  Whenever something works for me, I think I have the answer for everyone else, so I try to cram it into their consciousness.  I do point people to places in the Big Book, but I try to only do so when I am asked.  Most of my family are still out there "practicing", so I listened to my sponsor and take care of myself.  If I turn out to be an example, then great.  If not, then at least I am sober.  I've also noticed that while general concepts in the book always work for everyone, the timing of parts of my path may not be the same.  Denial can be very powerful and when someone isn't ready, oftentimes, to push them, can send them into a full retreat.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me what I can do for those that still suffer.  Thank you for tempering my tendency to be overbearing and self-righteous.  Thank you for a little bit of the precious gift called humility.  Thank you.