Morning Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!  Big Book p63

This beautiful prayer has saved my life.  It gives me such strength each day to wake up each morning knowing that all is well and I do not have to take another drink.  The book goes on to caution us "We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him".  This has been a road of spiritual practice for me.  And each day, I mean it more.  And each day, I live it more.  And at the end of each day, I take my daily inventory and say thank you. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for today.  Thank you for showing me what, how, where and for giving me the courage to do what is mine to do.  Thank you for the guidance of my sponsors both present and past.  Thank you.

The Secret

The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112.  A saying in the rooms of A.A.

Go look it up.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you.

The Best Reason First

The best reason first:  If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.  Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.  Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk.  Big Book p72

I needed the acceptance of my sponsor more than I ever knew.  When I spilled everything that I could remember at the point I wrote my first fourth step, all I could think of was, "there is no way in hell that anybody is going to like me after I tell them this!"  What I found out was, I was accepted for exactly who I am, exactly as I am and with no judgment.  There were some questions that followed about some things I might become willing to change in steps 6 and 7 that followed, but for the most part, it was the most unconditional loving acceptance of me, with all of my defects of characted.  Now that's a message I want to carry!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me a glimpse of what love can really be like.  Thank you for shedding your light on my own harsh judgments of others.  Thank you for giving me the courage to hear another person's fifth step too.  Thank you.

No Such Thing

"Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.  Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet."  Big Book p31

Even though this book was written over fifty years ago now, this statement still applies.  There is no magic pill that will work.  Sure, I can use a magic pill the same way I used alcohol to anesthesize myself and fall deeper into the hypnosis of my own denial, but I cannot be a normal drinker, no matter what I try to do to prove this wrong.  There are the Steps.  Don't take the elevator!  Try using the Steps.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for your wisdom, strength and hope.  Thank you for the courage to accept what I can and cannot change.  Thank you.

Choices

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. Big Book p44

This is a hard message to accept.  I thought to myself, "Isn't there some middle-of-the-road alternative?"   I thought spiritual basis meant I had to go to church, practice rituals of some kind, etc., and didn't quite understand yet that the book wasn't telling me to do that.  It was my old ideas telling me that is what I was supposed to do.  Each day, I learned a little more about this 'spiritual basis' and started to understand it just meant being kind, generous, honest, open-minded, willing, etc.  The messages I heard in meetings would start being the basis of my sharing.  As time passed, I started to behave a little differently.  I saw things a little differently and I started to understand that I was beginning to live on a spiritual basis.  Now that I know my abstinence is a daily reprieve, based on my spiritual condition I make this choice each day to continue. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me that it 'works if I work it'.  Thank you for taking a hopeless alcoholic like me and turning me into something that may be of use to you.  Thank you.

"Normal" People

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. Big Book p151

First it was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems!  Isn't that the truth?  I remember that ahhhh feeling when I drank and that feeling of invincibility.  The more I drank, the more everything looked more beautiful, funnier and inviting.  I didn't have a care in the world! 

When I got into the program, I felt so loved and accepted by other members that I found out that people didn't need to be liquored up to talk, to laugh and to just enjoy each other's company.  It was astounding to me!  It has been far beyond my expectations, this life without alcohol.  Care, boredom and worry have been replaced by faith.  And conviviality, companionship and a colorful imagination is something I get to enjoy at every meeting I attend. 
After a little sobriety, I realized I didn't know how to care in the world.  I didn't know how to be intimate.  I didn't know how NOT to worry.  Today I care.  Today I have close relationships without alcohol.  Just amazing!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me the way to relationships without alcohol.  Thank you for showing me the way to faith over worry.  Thank you.

Spiritual Experience

"Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them." Big Book p27
My own spiritual experience was not like Bill W.'s.  I didn't see a flash of light.  I didn't get inspired to write a Big Book or even my own story for that matter.  Mine has been little-by-little, day-by-day.  It is in applying the steps in all my affairs that I seem to be making a consistent, steady, baby-step type progress.  How amazing it is to me that Bill W. was spiritually infused at just four years of sobriety to write such a book as the Big Book of AA.  It astounds me and I am grateful.  And I know that my step-by-step, steady progress is just as important.  And not just important for me.  A person who did not have Bill's experience may think they are odd or that God didn't like them enough to given them such an experience.  I know that this is a possibility because I felt that way at first.  Comparing myself to anyone didn't seem to help.  But practicing the principles do help and ever slowly and ever subtly, a change is occurring inside of me. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for Divine Guidance in all of my affairs.  Thank you for bringing me to this program of Alcoholics Anonymous and for showing me a new way of life that I never dreamed possible.  Thank you.