The Fellowship You Crave

Still you may say:  "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book."  We cannot be sure.  God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him.  He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.  Big Book p164

I came into the program much too late to meet Bill W. or Dr. Bob.  And every time I read the "Vision for You" chapter I see that the Fellowship will number many "hundreds" and I am amazed.  That is a number that has been multiplied exponentially.  So many alcoholics have been spiritually infused by the words of this book, because there are so many living, breathing examples of how this thing works.

Trust God, Clean House, and Work With Others.  Notice that "Trust God" comes first.  The only way to right action is Trusting God and aligning my will with His, which automagically seems to attract the fellowship I crave.  I always, always have exactly what I need.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the Fellowship of the Spirit.  Thank you for teaching me to Trust in you and in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank you for showing me your will and for giving me the power to carry it out.  Thank you.

Straighten Out

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.  Big Book, p64

When I get down on my knees in desperation, I notice that things begin to change.  I get honest.  I get willing.  I am defeated.  Only then do things really change.  I have tried everything from curing my own alcoholism alone, trying fad diets to straighten myself out physically, and practicing pretty affirmations to straighten out mentally.  While some of these are good things, it was not until I got sincere with God that things truly began to change in my life.  The obsessions, the the conflicts, the resentments.  God has removed these from me every time I have sincerely asked it of Him.

Thank you Higher Power. Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for being with me through everything.  Thank you for helping me discover the depth of your love and your wisdom.  Thank you for straightening me out so I may be of some use to you and my fellows.  Thank you.

Every One Of Them Agreed

On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed.  Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than himself.  This Power has in each case acccomplished the miraculous, the human impossible.  Big Book, p50

God does for me what I cannot do for myself.  When resting on my own will, the obsession was always there.  I never felt any relief at all, except when I was dabbling in other addictions, escaping reality,  and really just switched from scotch to brandy.  When I finally asked (begged really) for relief, God was there for me.   The obsession was relieved.  Just a little bit of clarity was restored.  Then a little more.  Then just a little bit more.  Each day, new miracles happened.  Things I never used to see, I now saw.  And the journey continues.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the all merciful and all goodness that you are and that you have brought into my life.  Thank you for the people of this program and all throughout my life.  Thank you for this day.  Thank you.

Loving The Best

Gradually we began to be able to accept the other fellow's sins as well as his virtues.  We coined the potent and meaningful expression "Let us always love the best in others - and never fear their worst." As Bill Sees It, p203

We are really a very sick people.  It is only through the love of this program that I am being healed.  I feel accepted and I am learning to accept.  The craziest people in the rooms are my greatest teachers.  It is easy to love someone lovable.  What is difficult is loving the people who irritate me, get on my nerves or who don't fit into some box of how I think people should behave.  I looked up sin in the dictionary and it means "missing the mark".  I miss the mark a lot and I have to tell you that I see absolutely no room for judging others when I am being honest with myself.  We are all in this together. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for helping me to see the best in people.  Thank you for showing me that when I see the worst in people, I don't need to fear it, I just need to learn from it.  Thank you for your mercy in all that you show me.  Thank you.

A Sick Friend

Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Big Book p67

This is a hard concept for me to follow. I can see the sickness very easily in the newcomer, or the alcoholic who still reeks of whisky, but after a while and after getting to know my Fellows, everyone seems physically "normal". This is where I start to slide on this principle. I forget they are sick, just as I forget I am sick sometimes. Things get going pretty good in life, I resort to half-measures and then I find myself completely resting on my laurels and forgetting. I forget that without a Higher Power, I cannot see the Truth. I can only see a skewed perception based on my own stinking thinking.

Thank you Higher Power. Thank you for showing me how to be tolerant of other alcoholics, even when they have long term abstinence. Thank you for removing a lot of expectations of how people "should be" and thank you for the reminders that we are just very sick people coming together in unity for a common purpose. Thank you.

Faith

In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves.  We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him.  If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.  That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.  Big Book p71

I am at a crossroads in my life right now.  I am taking a path that scares me a little bit, and it is only through faith that I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  And it is only through faith that I know the next right step will be revealed when it is time and when my own house is in order.  I have several character defects and I can only trust that my Higher Power is taking care of these as they are revealed.  I know so very little.  I am a work in progress.  And that is all okay.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for helping me to see what I need to see, through my choices, my actions and by allowing the Fellowship to be my mirror.  Thank you for showing me the truth about myself and for accepting me just as I am.  Thank you.

Caught Off Guard

Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight watever against the first drink.  This time I had not thought of the consequences at all.  Big Book p41

I don't know if I thought of the consequences at all for the majority of my drinking career.  It was socially acceptable, sometimes even expected.  To throw up, drive home at 3:00 a.m. with one hand over my eye so that I can see properly and then pass out upon arriving home (if I wasn't poured into someone else's car because I had already passed out at the bar), seemed like a normal event.  In a way it was because I was hanging out with other alcoholics.  Consequences today look a lot more like common sense to me, but back then, it was just part of the process.  Hangovers, poor health and total lapse in judgment seemed to be so acceptable back then.  Today, I find myself praying for clarity because I still believe I have a whole lot to learn.

Thank you Higher Power for what you have restored.  Thank you for allowing me to see my own dysfunction.  Thank you for showing me I can be compassionate with myself and that while these are facts of my inventory, I don't have to wallow in them.  Thank you.