Not only had I been off guard, I
had made no fight watever against the first drink. This time I had not thought
of the consequences at all. Big Book p41
I don't know if I thought
of the consequences at all for the majority of my drinking career. It was
socially acceptable, sometimes even expected. To throw up, drive home at 3:00
a.m. with one hand over my eye so that I can see properly and then pass out upon
arriving home (if I wasn't poured into someone else's car because I had already
passed out at the bar), seemed like a normal event. In a way it was because I
was hanging out with other alcoholics. Consequences today look a lot more like
common sense to me, but back then, it was just part of the process. Hangovers,
poor health and total lapse in judgment seemed to be so acceptable back then.
Today, I find myself praying for clarity because I still believe I have a whole
lot to learn.
Thank you Higher Power for what you have restored.
Thank you for allowing me to see my own dysfunction. Thank you for showing me I
can be compassionate with myself and that while these are facts of my inventory,
I don't have to wallow in them. Thank you.
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