Something Happens

We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men.  We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop.  The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.  Big Book, p22-23

I am a periodic drinker.  I can go without a drink for some time, but the moment I take a drink, the reaction is immediate and the same.  All of the insecurities inside of me are unleashed and I become obnoxious.  I seek attention.  I start hurting people.  I feel all-powerful.  I make poor choices for my well-being and the well-being of those that I love.  I endanger myself and others.  And, I can't stop drinking until a force that is not my decides it is time to stop.  I either get to spend the night laying curled up next to the toilet, or I black out and wake up the next morning in a placeI don't remember being, or I would drink myself 'straight' where the alcohol stopped having the effect I was looking for.  That sad part is that when the alcohol stopped having the effect I was looking for, I somehow thought that meant I was sober and could drive.  I can only describe the process as insanity and the morning after as "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization". 

Thank You Higher Power for relieving my obsession to drink.  Thank You for my abstinence today.  Thank You for my sobriety.  Thank You.