Psychic Change

On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand—once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.  Big Book, The Doctor's Opinion

From my experience, the psychic change has been a process.  It is the process of recovery.  Each idea and belief I hold must be challenged.  I hated myself when I came into the rooms.  My life was nothing but shame, guilt and resentment.  A little of this was directed at those around me, but mostly it was directed at myself. I could not stop at one drink.  I didn't want to feel good or be the life of the party any longer.  I just wanted to numb out and forget and stop thinking because all of my thoughts were based in self-contempt.    I received as a gift, a new design for living.  By working the Steps, listening to my sponsor, attending meetings and studying the book (not reading.. studying!), and helping others, I came to understand that my way was dysfunctional and I was living a life based on ideas that did not serve anyone. And then the psychic change began. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for allowing me to be of service and allowing me to work with others.  Thank you for making my path clear when I work with others.  Thank you for putting others with me who have shared their experience and shined the light on the darkness inside of me.  Thank you.