Bodily and Mentally Different

MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.  Big Book, p30

I finally admitted this.   For a long time, I thought I still had some element of control.  I am a periodic drinker, so it took me a long time to get that nagging thought of, "I'm different because I don't drink every day".  Still, I listened to other members until one day it finally clicked.  "This thought could kill me or another person one day" and I had to face up to this fact.  My experience has shown me that although I did not drink daily, I did not stop drinking once I took the first drink, unless I threw up or blacked out.  Moderation is not a word that I understand.  And when I did drink, I was irresponsible.  There is all the stuff on page 69 that I could write pages and pages about, but my most irresponsible behavior was always getting behind the wheel even on nights where I surely qualified for 'alcohol poisoning' in my blood.  I was certainly insane!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for your grace in sending AA to me.  Thank you.