Nearly All Have Recovered

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill.  Nearly all have recovered.  They have solved the drinking problem.  Big Book,p17

What a way to start out the chapter on "There is a Solution".  This statement just illuminates the word "HOPE" in big neon letters in my mind as I read these words.

I was of the hopeless variety.  I was spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt when I came into the rooms.  The word "recovered" in this paragraph bothers me a little though.  I have heard in meetings that people are "recovered".  I am still working to maintain a relationship with my Higher Power and plan to continue doing so.  Doing what the program asks of me and working on this relationship keeps me on the path of the daily reprieve from the next drink.  If that is recovered, then, Just for Today, I am recovered.  I have found the solution!  For me to assume I am fully recovered and will not drink in 10 years just seems a little bit arrogant and my ego would have a field day with that!

Thank you Higher Power for my not taking a drink today. Thank you for showing me a path to a relationship with you that keeps me from taking that first drink.  Thank you. 

Pocket Our Pride

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. Big Book, p75

I am having a spiritual experience right now.  It seems to happen when I least expect it, and immediately follows the swallowing of humble pie.  Letting go of all of my pet beliefs is difficult, but I must if I want to have a spiritual experience.  It is the only way I can let my Higher Power show me the way.  The book says to let go absolutely!  Let go absolutely or the result is nil!  Wow, this is so difficult and the only way I can get here is that thing called rigorous self-honesty.  Each time I go a little deeper into a new experience, every fiber of my being says "RUN".   Running is so ingrained in me as a character defect that I need to be hit with a spiritual 2x4 to even remember that there is a new way, a better way called "letting go absolutely".  My selfish, self-centered ways can only be treated by my Higher Power.  I can't do this alone.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for all of my experiences, whether someone might label them good or bad.  Thank you for showing me that it is once again, time to let go and let You show me the next step.  Thank you.

Constructive Action

To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. Big Book, p93

Vital means "Absolutely necessary or important; essential".  This reminds me that I don't get to keep this way of life unless I give it away.  Working with other alcoholics will keep me sober when everything else might fail.  This means that if I am spouting platitudes, talking about God, but not actually doing anything, then my recovery is on shaky ground.  It is in the reciprocity of love, kindness, etc., that these things become written on our heart and not just in our minds.  This recovery journey takes a long, long time.  Isn't it funny that it is only a 12 inch trip from our heads to our hearts?

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the willingness to help another person.  Thank you for showing me the way of surrender instead of self-will.  Thank you for making me of use to other people.  I pray that I do Thy Will always.  Thank you.

Financial Recovery

Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.  Big Book, p127

This reminds me of an Albert Einstein quote, "We can't solve problems by using the same thinking that created them".  For me, thinking about money first puts the focus on the problem and not on the solution.  I begin to worry about this and that and soon I am no longer sleeping because my head is going 100 mph and all I want is a drink to shut it all down.  When I put my thoughts on my Higher Power and I put my efforts into prayer and meditation, the results are astounding.  I sleep better, I am able to live through what I used to call "catastrophes" and I have a sense of peace, even during times of financial insecurity.  I like that in the Big Book, it also talks about freedom from the fear of financial insecurity in the promises.  This tells me that I don't necessarily get a get out of jail free card from financial insecurity.  It just tells me I don't have to be afraid and I can still enjoy life even during hard financial times.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the love and the release of fear during these tough economic times.  Thank you for always showing me Your Will.  When I focus on You, all of my fears dissipate and I am living in the solution.  Thank you.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Matthew 6:33

Frothy Emotional Appeal

Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives. Big Book, p xxviii~

My family and friends would often make the frothy emotional appeals described in this passage.  Unfortunately, my family and friends didn't understand that these emotional appeals actually made me want to run deeper and deeper into alcoholism.  The emotional appeals, perceived from my alcoholic mind, were clothed in guilt and self-loathing, as that is how I interpreted what my family was saying. 

The fellowship has given me a taste of the depth and weight.  My fellows have been where I have been and instead of feeling guilt, I felt hope.  I was given a solution and a way out of the misery of my addiction.  I was taught about faith instead of fear.  I was shown little miracles that began to prove to me there was some concept of God I could start to work with.  And my life is a journey of re-creations, re-inventions and it is truly a beautiful ride, even with all of the ups and downs.  

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the understanding I receive in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank you for the love I have felt.  These people, with your help, are really shame-busters!  And you are just what I needed.  Thank you.

Selfishness—self-centeredness!

Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self- seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. Big Book p62

This passage describes me perfectly.  When I started working on my first inventory, I discovered that the basis for all of my resentments was a fear of some kind or a belief that a particular result should not be the way it is.  I learned that when I acted from a place of resentment I created more pain and hurt for those around me, which just caused me more pain and hurt.   I noticed that as I come to rely more and more on a Power Greater than Myself in my "day at a time" walk, that there is less fear about what is happening.  There is more acceptance of what is.  And I react less and respond more. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for keeping me and my fellows safe for another day of recovery.  Thank you for showing me my part through the haze of self-loathing and the anger I had toward my fellows.  Thank you for showing me a way out of that vicious cycle.  Thank you.

Psychic Change

On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand—once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.  Big Book, The Doctor's Opinion

From my experience, the psychic change has been a process.  It is the process of recovery.  Each idea and belief I hold must be challenged.  I hated myself when I came into the rooms.  My life was nothing but shame, guilt and resentment.  A little of this was directed at those around me, but mostly it was directed at myself. I could not stop at one drink.  I didn't want to feel good or be the life of the party any longer.  I just wanted to numb out and forget and stop thinking because all of my thoughts were based in self-contempt.    I received as a gift, a new design for living.  By working the Steps, listening to my sponsor, attending meetings and studying the book (not reading.. studying!), and helping others, I came to understand that my way was dysfunctional and I was living a life based on ideas that did not serve anyone. And then the psychic change began. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for allowing me to be of service and allowing me to work with others.  Thank you for making my path clear when I work with others.  Thank you for putting others with me who have shared their experience and shined the light on the darkness inside of me.  Thank you.