Poisoning

The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind.  There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink.  Big Book, p157

I am grateful.  I am grateful because of the miracles that happen in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I have put poisons into my body.  I have suffered.  I have been insane in ways I thought I would never recover.  I was in a hopeless state of mind and body.  And yet, here I am, participating in a fellowship I love.  I write my way to freedom each day.  I am of some service to others, which makes me feel useful.  I don't hide anymore.  And the list goes on...

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for some restored sanity.  Thank you for making me useful to you, myself and others.  Thank you for taking me mess and turning it into a message of hope for others.  Thank you! 

Taking Stock

We did exactly the same thing with our lives.  We took stock honestly.  First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure.  Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. Big Book, p64

"Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways".  This reminds me of "As a Man Thinketh, so is He".  If I come from a place of ego, then I will manifest a life of ego.  If I come from a place of love, then I will manifest a life of love.  Now I think I know what my sponsor meant.  My sponsor used to say, "A loving person lives in a loving world and a hateful person lives in a hateful world."  That makes a lot of sense to me now.  If I operate from self-will or "me, my and mine", then I am going to get a "me, my and mine" response from the Universe and so I am left selfish and alone.  Now, if I ask the question, "How may I serve?", then the Universe is going to say, "How may I serve?" and then all is shared loving service.  But my focus would have to remain on what I am doing, not what I am getting, otherwise, I am still being selfish and self-centered. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for such beautiful connections.  It is only through these steps, with your guidance, that I am able to enjoy life in such a meaningful way.  Thank you.

Those We Have Harmed

Probably there are still some misgivings.  As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis.  Let us be reassured.  To some people we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach.  Big Book, p76

I was very shy about approaching people on a spiritual basis because I didn't have any wisdom or experience for a long, long time.  I did the two-step (steps 1 and 12) illusion for a long time.  I did service and had surrendered to the program, but nothing in between.   In my first year, I made a list of those I had harmed and I went around trying to make amends to everyone, but it wasn't on a spiritual basis within me either. It was more like running around trying to dump my guilt, but there was little compassion or love in the process.  I also found that even when I was ready to make amends out of love, some folks didn't care about a spiritual awakening because they weren't ready, just as I was not ready before I came to my first meeting.  I had to trust my Higher Power that the right words would come and they most assuredly did.  And in most cases, there were positive results of relationships healing, financial debts being paid,etc.  There were some who needed to see the change for themselves before any rebuilding of trust could happen.  And even that was left to my Higher Power.  The Truth really doesn't need a defense.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for giving me the courage and the strength to try to see things from someone else's point of view.  Thank you for releasing me from the bondage I tried to put myself in by being evangelical and preaching.  Thank you for your acceptance in just being me.  Thank you.

A Design for Living

We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowing men.  What seemed at first a flimsy read, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God.  A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.  Big Book p28

I had my list of dos and don'ts.  I had my list of what was 'expected' of me, and when I fell short of meeting those goals, achievements or routines, I felt unworthy, ashamed, and less than.  I learned as I was growing up that to please my father (who was the closest thing to God I understood as a child), that I must get good grades, keep things clean, etc., or I wasn't doing my part.  When I didn't meet his expectations, I was punished.  As a result, it was only natural for me to punish myself as an adult, when I didn't meet these same types of expectations.  My dad was a great father and was simply trying to instill discipline.  It was me who took so long in putting down the 'bat'.  I love negative emotions and I love to beat myself up. 

In the Sermon on the Mount (Emmet Fox), it says, "...remorse, as distinct from repentance, is merely a form of spiritual pride.  To revel in it, as some people do, is treason to the love and forgiveness of God..."  Wow! 
What a blessing it is to learn that changing my mind is what is important and I can choose to do that without self-punishment.  Have you ever recognized beating yourself up to make others believe that you were truly sorry?  I think that is where some of my most manipulative tactics have come from and I am just now waking up to it.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for this wonderful insight.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Great Fact

Our book is meant to be suggestive only.  We realize we know only a little.  God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.  Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.  The answers will come, if your own house is in order.  But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.  See to it that your relationship is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.  This is the Great Fact for us.  Big Book, p164

This is one of my favorite passages.  You will hear me say that all the time because I am in love with this book, so I am not contradictory, just blessed differently every time I read it!  haha.
I have seen this passage work in my life over and over and over in a short period of time.  Incredible synchronicities!  I have been gifted with loving relationships that have allowed me the freedom to roam because I have been able to accept, a little more each day, each person that presents themselves to me.  And not as I would have it, but as the God of my understanding would have it.  I am able to recognize my 'self' in others and it has allowed me to express compassion and understanding, rather than wanting to change others into something they may not be.  I mean, if Step 7 says to humbly ask God to remove my defects, then it must be God who works with them too, right?  So why am I always questioning and wanting to change God's work?  hmmmm.. More food for thought. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for this Great Fact.  Thank you for showing me the way to love.  Thank you for lifting me out of the two-step illusion into making me useful to you and others.  Thank you.

Organized Religion

We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion.  Big Book p49

This was a must for me!  If the word "beg" had not been in this sentence, I don't know if I would have taken this sentence it as seriously as I did.  As a result, a whole new world of opportunities have opened up for me.  I have found a place where different religions meet and it seems to me that they all meet upon the principles of Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness.  And, in spite of what I may have heard about certain religions or even how 'some' people practice religion, I have found at the core of each lies the same great purpose of learning how to Love.  And, even if it looks really bad on the outside (wars being waged, discriminations against women, etc.), I have to realize that the people who do these things, just haven't gotten to the Truth yet.  For if they knew how Loving God and our fellows could be, they certainly would change their minds.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the Love!  Thank you for loving me through our connection.  Thank you for loving me through other members.  Thank you.

New Power

As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.  We were reborn.   Big Book, p63

I remember this feeling washing over me one day.  It was in the midst of an adversity while I was late in my second year of recovery.  It was the moment I turned my life over to some infinite love, possibility and potential.  I suppose someone might call that God.  I saw a door I could walk through that said above it, "all your needs are met here".  I walk through that door each time I realize I have, once again, started resting on my own laurels.   I am so thankful I know where to find that door!  In my minds eye, it is as I described above.  In the physical realm, it is the open door to a meeting, where I am welcomed and loved and cherished for being just who I am.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me the doorway to the present moment, where all of my needs are met and no fear, sickness or worries exist.  It is that place inside of me where I can meet you in perfect peace.  Thank you for the keys to the Kingdom.  Thank you.

Pause for a Moment

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.’’ We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were
trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works—it really does.  Big Book, p87-88

Ah yes!  I can't count the number of times I wore myself out trying to arrange the lights, the actors and the scenery on the stage of life.  I wanted it my way and I would burn through energy to see it turned out exactly as I wanted it to.  I would track down the people I was dating and stalk them to make sure they weren't cheating.  I would work extra hours to 'impress' people.   I would try to be perfect in everything I did to gain 'acceptance'.  Oh the sweet sound of, "Thy will be done".  When it does take courage and the power to carry out His Will, I always try to remember how much energy I used to go through and how I used to hide my exhaustion and pretend not to care with alcohol.  It seems that carrying out His will is the softer, easier way.  What a mess I can make when I try to control everything!  I thank my Higher Power for this solution called the AA steps of recovery.

Thank you Higher Power. Thank you for showing me a solution that works.  Thank you for giving me the power, one day at a time, to stay sober, both in mind and body.  Thank you.  

Egomania

Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls.  Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend on them far too much.  If we lean to heavily on people they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possible meet our incessant demands.  In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p53

This is an accurate description of me.  These are character defects I am still humbly asking God to remove.  They still come back around and I keep surrendering, hoping one day to receive the gift of humility.  I am one of those people that can lay face down in the gutter and still look down at everyone else.  I am an egomaniac with an inferiority complex and I have no problem at all tearing you down to make myself feel better.  And so the disease continues.  I am so grateful for each daily reprieve I get.  I am thankful that more often now I choose to be kind rather than right.  I see progress.  That is what counts for me.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for this day.  Thank you for this breathe.  Thank you for showing me that I am really no better than anyone else and noone is really better than me.  We are all different, but at the core, we are all the same.  Thank you for the opportunity to begin to feel this Oneness with other people in recovery.  

Privileged to Communicate

Everyone must agree that we A.A.'s are unbelievably fortunate people; fortunate that we have suffered so much; fortunate that we can know, understand and love each other so supremely well.   As Bill Sees It, p231

The beautiful people in the rooms loved me back to health.  Their unwavering love, support and compassion was/is amazing to me.  Even on the rare occasions where they judged me, it came from a place of love and their own experience.  And this is what taught me that others out there were sick like me.  Once I started to practice what they taught me, I started to love, support and have compassion for others.  I learned that I didn't suffer for nothing.  I suffered to learn how to love.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me what love is not, so I may come to understand and experience what love is.  Thank you for the common purpose we have in the rooms.  Thank you.

Willingness

We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.  Big Book p46

It took me a while to come to believe in a Higher Power that I couldn't see.  My first Higher Power was the room itself.  Unaware of a greater consciousness, that was using the people in the rooms as instruments, I was still being healed and my mind cleared so that I may experience something even greater, a personal relationship with a God of my understanding.  I am still willing and still growing and I have to continualy lay aside prejudice.  Nearly everything that I have experienced so far, has been because I had to let go of something old.  Without being able to lay aside these prejudices, I would have held onto my pet beliefs and would still be the same as I was, which wasn't pleasant.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the gift of willingness.  Thank you for taking this willingness and turning it into a spiritual experience.  Thank you for our relationship.  Thank you for Oneness in my actions.  Thank you.

Resentment

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.  To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while.  But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.  We found that it is fatal.  For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.  The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again.  And with us, to drink is to die. Big Book p66

Resentments are our number 1 killer!  I have started a new practice of recognizing that each moment I have a resentment I am dead at that moment.  I have given some person, place or thing my life in exchange for misery, unhappiness and drama.  When I look at it that way, I am much less willing to hang onto a resentment, however justified.  As a result, I am learning about my own expectations (which are premeditated resentments) of people, places and things.  I am learning to go with more of a flow and allow others to be who they are.  Spiritual progress, but certainly not perfection!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for this quiet place I can go to and release resentments to you.  Thank you for showing me that everyone is a mirror of my own disease and that others are not to blame for my reaction.  Thank you.

Self-Knowledge

But the actual or potential alcoholic with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. Big Book p39

This hit me as I read it again today.  When I was drinking, I was on a never-ending spiral.  If I drank, I couldn't get my head straight enough to apply any Principles with any clarity.  And if I couldn't apply any Principles with any clarity, I couldn't stay away from my first drink, which nearly always led to blackout, dangerous behavior or my favorite, hanging out with my friend the porcelain god.  I needed help and I am so thankful to my Higher Power and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I needed all of the tools to stay sober. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for being the solution to this malady.  Thank you for showing me that I didn't have to keep trying to do this alone.  Thank you.

Any Lengths?

Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding.  Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual expereince, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.  We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing.  We have to be.  We must not shrink at anything.  Big Book p79

This is the part in the Big Book where I said, "What an order!  I can't go through with it!".   I went off half-cocked about making amends to people in my first 90 days a few times, and all I can say is, it didn't get any better.  I was often just trying to relieve my own guilt and being the martyr they talk about further on in this section.  Then I began to understand that I didn't have to take care of everything 'right now'. Through guidance from my sponsor, we handled many of these situations one at a time as they presented themselves to me, and after I had worked much of the steps. Of course, more will be revealed and there may be more to do.  Just for today, I am willing.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for understanding and giving me the strength I needed to face situations I created before, during and after my addiction.  Thank you for giving me the perfect opportunities to make amends, when they were needed and when they came from a place of love and honesty.  Thank you.   

Armed with Facts

But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours.  Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.  Big Book p18

In my experience, there is a lot of truth here.  I notice that when I am working with others from an honest place within myself, relationships begin, small amounts of trust begin to form and I am a conduit for God's work.  I have also noticed the opposite.  When I fall into my old 'Big Shot" ways or I am looking to take credit for another person's recovery, all of a sudden, I notice that nobody wants to listen to what I have to say.  Who would want to?  I don't even like what my ego has to say!  When I am not in a 'surrendered' state of consciousness,  I see one of the key symptoms I recognize is when I start saying, "you should", instead of, "this is how it happened with me". 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for continued guidance and support.  Whenever I trust in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I see the synchronicities of how I am attracted to the right people at the right time.  Thank you.

Everyone Can Get Well

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone.  The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.  Big Book p98

This is so true!  I thought I might not make it because so many people in my family share the same addiction.  I was concerned with where I would fit in and how things would look.  The Fellowship became my family on many levels and the Steps are bringing about the change.  One precious day at a time, I am getting well, no matter what anyone else around me is doing. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for the 12 Steps.  Thank you for the Fellowship that loved me back to health.  Thank you.

p.s.  Happy Valentine's Day everyone...

Why Does He Behave Like This?

Why does he behave like this?  If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink?  Why can’t he stay on the water wagon?  What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?  Big Book p22

I have asked myself so many of these questions and more.  Some answers have been revealed and some have not.  All I know is that today, I am granted a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition, so I focus on that.  I am powerless over alcohol and by myself I am powerless over nearly everything.  But with a Higher Power, all good things, choices and reactions are possible.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for strength to follow your guidance.  Thank you for not having me dwell in the past, but still keep the door to the past open for more insights on your time.  Thank you.

Outgrow Fear? Wow!

We never apologize to anyone for depending up on our Creator.  We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness.  Paradoxically, it is the way of strength.  The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage.  All me of faith have courage.  They trust their God.  We never apologize for God.  Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do.  We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear.  Big Book p68

I love this passage and it describes some of my experiences so far in this program.  I used to cry and shake when I shared.  I would worry about what I was going to say and if anyone thought it was worth listening too.  Then my sponsor taught me another way.  “Say a little prayer before you speak, ‘Higher Power, if I can help someone that is great, but please don’t let me hurt anyone with my sharing’, and then leave the results to God.”  That way, you can let it go and listen to others and hear the message instead of mulling over in your head, over and over, what you may or may not say.  A few months later, I had asked my sponsor if my sharing was okay.  All I got was a laugh and, “Are you judging God’s work again?”  What a great laugh and what a relief!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for allowing me to abandon myself to do with me as Thou wilt.  What a blessing to have such fears removed, just for today.  Thank you. 

Lack of Power

Lack of power, that was our dilemma.  We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.  Obviously.  But where and how were we to find this Power?  Big Book p45

I just "saw" recently that the book was about this very thing.  The whole objective of the Big Book is to find a Higher Power that can help solve your problem.  I came into the program without any identification with a Higher Power.  The room was my Higher Power for a long time.  Slowly, I began to develop a relationship with a Sponsor and was guided to my own inner intuitiveness (through meditation) that I don't really have a name for.  It takes a lot of practice, just to get still enough to listen to the small voice, especially when my ego chatters. Spiritual practice!  And working the Steps to clear any obstacle out of my way that prevents me from being able to get still.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for providing Divine Guidance and for bringing like-minded people into my life who support spiritual practices.  Thank you for opening my heart to a whole new way of thinking and living.  Thank you.

You May Have to Drop Him/Her

If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees you may have to drop him until he changes his mind.  This he may do after he gets hurt some more.  Big Book p95

This is one of the toughest things to do when working with others.  I was trudging right along in the program and someone asked me to sponsor them.  I had my usual agreement of, "call me every day for the first 30 days and we will see where we are at the end of that 30 days."  After 30 days of listening to this particular person, it occurred to me that something else was going on that I couldn't physically see.  I discovered the person wasn't taking their medications for juvenile diabetes and so was unable to grasp or apply anything I was saying.  I asked her to see the doctor and get in with a group that can provide support. I told her once she was taking her medications regularly, then we could begin working on the steps.  I didn't see her much after that.  Later on, I was asked to facilitate a Celebration of Life service for her.  I found out through others in the program that she did seek help, found a diabetese support group and after that got a new sponsor.  She died sober and had just celebrated a beautiful milestone just a few days before she passed.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me that my part is not to fix people.  Thank you for showing me that I am just an instrument of your Peace and that sometimes I am just there for the reason and not the season or a lifetime.  Thank you.

How Much Anonymity?

As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family to know immediately what he was trying to do.  He also wanted to tell others who had tried to help him - his doctor, his minister, and close friends.  As he gained confidence, he felt it right to explain his new way of life to his employer and business associates.  When opportunities to be helpful came along, he found he could talk easily about A.A. to almost anyone. As Bill Sees It, p43

This is what lets the community know we are here, but without any real promotion.  Sharing my recovery with loved ones, friends and even business associates has given me the opportunity to hand a few Big Books out to people, and to point a few others to Al-Anon, so that they could have support in dealing with alcoholics like me.  I love when the response is, "you? really?"  That's when I can say alcoholism doesn't discriminate and that I was never a bad person getting good.  I am a sick person getting well. 

Thank you Higher Power for bringing me to this book, these rooms and these fellows.  Thank you for giving me a glimpse of the Fellowship of the Spirit so that I may be of maximum use to you and others.  Thank you.

Once an Alcoholic...

We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again:  "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."  Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever.  If we are planning to stop drinking, there  must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.  Big Book p33

I quit drinking for a few years and thought I had it all under control.  I started going to another 12-step program to deal with another addiction.  After a few months, and that addiction was arrested, I started drinking.  I am not a daily drinker, but when I drink, I black out and all sorts of things happen that I can't remember, even today.  When I became reservationless, I realized that my life was a series of addictions.  I just jumped one to another, ever since I was a small child.  Someone once told me I am only as emotionally old as I am in years I did not actively participate in one of my addictions.  At 35-years old, I was really about 8 emotionally.  I participate in multiple programs now, but all of the glaring ones are arrested and now I am able to see a layer peeled back and can work on some of the addictions that are even more subtle.  Once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic?  Absolutely!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for giving me the gift of grace and acceptance.  Thank you for putting any reservations I may have had into their proper perspective.  Thank you.

Morning Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!  Big Book p63

This beautiful prayer has saved my life.  It gives me such strength each day to wake up each morning knowing that all is well and I do not have to take another drink.  The book goes on to caution us "We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him".  This has been a road of spiritual practice for me.  And each day, I mean it more.  And each day, I live it more.  And at the end of each day, I take my daily inventory and say thank you. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for today.  Thank you for showing me what, how, where and for giving me the courage to do what is mine to do.  Thank you for the guidance of my sponsors both present and past.  Thank you.

The Secret

The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112.  A saying in the rooms of A.A.

Go look it up.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you.

The Best Reason First

The best reason first:  If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.  Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.  Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk.  Big Book p72

I needed the acceptance of my sponsor more than I ever knew.  When I spilled everything that I could remember at the point I wrote my first fourth step, all I could think of was, "there is no way in hell that anybody is going to like me after I tell them this!"  What I found out was, I was accepted for exactly who I am, exactly as I am and with no judgment.  There were some questions that followed about some things I might become willing to change in steps 6 and 7 that followed, but for the most part, it was the most unconditional loving acceptance of me, with all of my defects of characted.  Now that's a message I want to carry!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me a glimpse of what love can really be like.  Thank you for shedding your light on my own harsh judgments of others.  Thank you for giving me the courage to hear another person's fifth step too.  Thank you.

No Such Thing

"Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.  Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet."  Big Book p31

Even though this book was written over fifty years ago now, this statement still applies.  There is no magic pill that will work.  Sure, I can use a magic pill the same way I used alcohol to anesthesize myself and fall deeper into the hypnosis of my own denial, but I cannot be a normal drinker, no matter what I try to do to prove this wrong.  There are the Steps.  Don't take the elevator!  Try using the Steps.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for your wisdom, strength and hope.  Thank you for the courage to accept what I can and cannot change.  Thank you.

Choices

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. Big Book p44

This is a hard message to accept.  I thought to myself, "Isn't there some middle-of-the-road alternative?"   I thought spiritual basis meant I had to go to church, practice rituals of some kind, etc., and didn't quite understand yet that the book wasn't telling me to do that.  It was my old ideas telling me that is what I was supposed to do.  Each day, I learned a little more about this 'spiritual basis' and started to understand it just meant being kind, generous, honest, open-minded, willing, etc.  The messages I heard in meetings would start being the basis of my sharing.  As time passed, I started to behave a little differently.  I saw things a little differently and I started to understand that I was beginning to live on a spiritual basis.  Now that I know my abstinence is a daily reprieve, based on my spiritual condition I make this choice each day to continue. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me that it 'works if I work it'.  Thank you for taking a hopeless alcoholic like me and turning me into something that may be of use to you.  Thank you.

"Normal" People

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. Big Book p151

First it was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems!  Isn't that the truth?  I remember that ahhhh feeling when I drank and that feeling of invincibility.  The more I drank, the more everything looked more beautiful, funnier and inviting.  I didn't have a care in the world! 

When I got into the program, I felt so loved and accepted by other members that I found out that people didn't need to be liquored up to talk, to laugh and to just enjoy each other's company.  It was astounding to me!  It has been far beyond my expectations, this life without alcohol.  Care, boredom and worry have been replaced by faith.  And conviviality, companionship and a colorful imagination is something I get to enjoy at every meeting I attend. 
After a little sobriety, I realized I didn't know how to care in the world.  I didn't know how to be intimate.  I didn't know how NOT to worry.  Today I care.  Today I have close relationships without alcohol.  Just amazing!

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for showing me the way to relationships without alcohol.  Thank you for showing me the way to faith over worry.  Thank you.

Spiritual Experience

"Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them." Big Book p27
My own spiritual experience was not like Bill W.'s.  I didn't see a flash of light.  I didn't get inspired to write a Big Book or even my own story for that matter.  Mine has been little-by-little, day-by-day.  It is in applying the steps in all my affairs that I seem to be making a consistent, steady, baby-step type progress.  How amazing it is to me that Bill W. was spiritually infused at just four years of sobriety to write such a book as the Big Book of AA.  It astounds me and I am grateful.  And I know that my step-by-step, steady progress is just as important.  And not just important for me.  A person who did not have Bill's experience may think they are odd or that God didn't like them enough to given them such an experience.  I know that this is a possibility because I felt that way at first.  Comparing myself to anyone didn't seem to help.  But practicing the principles do help and ever slowly and ever subtly, a change is occurring inside of me. 

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank you for Divine Guidance in all of my affairs.  Thank you for bringing me to this program of Alcoholics Anonymous and for showing me a new way of life that I never dreamed possible.  Thank you.