But That Won't Fix It

He interrupted:  "I used to be strong for the church, but that won't fix it.  I've prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I'd never touch another drop but by nine o'clock I'd be boiled as an owl."  Big Book, p158

I heard in the program that I can go to church to save my soul, but I need to go to meetings to save my ass.  This has been the case for me.  When I am abstinent without meetings I immediately fall into the old patterns of thinking, behaving and begin to pull the tent down over me and those around me.  At church, I don't find the identification I need with other people to solve this particular problem.  I also don't find the same degree of honesty that I find in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  That sounds a little absurd through the lens of my old ideas, but I have come to accept this as a fact for me.  I need to be honest with myself completely, with all of my shortcomings, or I won't make it.  Alcoholics Anonymous is where I can be of maximum service to others.  Alcoholics Anonymous is where I see the 'gift of desperation" that seems to be a requirement for self-honesty.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank You for my newfound friends.  Thank You for the honesty I get to experience in the rooms.  Thank you.