They Are Baffled A Lot

Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count. Big Book, p23

I always had really good excuses for why I drank (to be sociable, because others were doing it, because my best friend was a bartender, etc.) and I would come up with great rationalizations even after it got out of control.  I told these excuses to other people a lot, but I still don't think I ever truly believed my own lies.  I was a periodic drinker who could not stop at just one or two.  I didn't know how and that really baffled me.  I did not know why I had to get sick, black out or be forced by a friend to go home.  I just know that only God could have removed this obsession because I tried very hard to stop on my own.
Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for removing my obsession for alcohol.  Thank You for showing me the steps to maintaining a spiritual condition that keeps me sober.  Thank You.