Mastering Resentments

We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us.  In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments
must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. Big Book, p66

Everyone dominated me.  I let them.  I didn't realize until I came to the program and worked the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that I gave everyone I knew the power to hurt me.  I loved playing the victim role.  If I was victimized, I had excuses.  If I played the victim, I got pity and attention from others.  After working the steps I realized that this attention-seeking behavior was killing me.  The dramas that I would get caught up in was killing me emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  I would react and yell, scream, and hurt others.  And when I was through I would experience shame that was great enough to bring me right back into the cycle of addiction.  I would drink, use or gamble my way into anesthesia because I didn't want to see how sick I was.  Sharing a moral inventory with God and another human being has helped me work through many of these resentments.  All of them led to the discovery of a fear within me and reliance on some security that isn't the God of my understanding.  As these new ideas were revealed to me, I started to scratch the surface of recovery.  God began to raise my consciousness so that I became aware enough to take action on these resentments as they happened and not reach for another drink.  As long as I have God, a laptop or a pen, pencil and piece of paper, I have a tool to write myself to freedom from alcohol. 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for removing another set of chains from me.  Thank You for the sobriety I am experiencing right now in this moment.  Thank You for your gentle ways.  Thank You.