Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at
once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone
desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of
time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave
such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by
himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other
alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed
entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had
continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since
recovered, of their chance. Big Book, p96
This is a hard one for me. I am a total people pleaser!
My sponsor is working with me on discerning those who want this thing from those who don't. I have noticed that some people get a sponsor just to say, "I have a sponsor", but they have no willingness to do the step work. I work with several people and there have been times when I have had to ask people, "Are you ready? If you aren't, there is someone else waiting in line behind you that really wants to do this thing." Sometimes, too, I am asked to sponsor people because they want someone to share in their pity party, commiserate, or just take their side on an issue. Or, they want my approval on some project they are working on for the program, which I don't see as my purpose for being here. If I felt called to do that, I would have joined a committee. People may ask me to sponsor them and they need to be willing to do their part too. In the book it says, "We are willing to go to any lengths", and if you are desperate enough, you will do the steps. If you don't have the gift of desperation, then I can't help you anyway. A day at a time, I get closer to spending my time more wisely and where I can be of maximum use.
This may sound like judgment. And for this, I work on self-forgiveness. My Higher Power knows what I am going to discern/decide before it even becomes spoken and I am grateful knowing this.
Thank You Higher Power. Thank You for helping me with my people-pleasing. Thank You for showing me who to work with and what You would have me do. Thank You for your continued guidance. Thank You.
This is a hard one for me. I am a total people pleaser!
My sponsor is working with me on discerning those who want this thing from those who don't. I have noticed that some people get a sponsor just to say, "I have a sponsor", but they have no willingness to do the step work. I work with several people and there have been times when I have had to ask people, "Are you ready? If you aren't, there is someone else waiting in line behind you that really wants to do this thing." Sometimes, too, I am asked to sponsor people because they want someone to share in their pity party, commiserate, or just take their side on an issue. Or, they want my approval on some project they are working on for the program, which I don't see as my purpose for being here. If I felt called to do that, I would have joined a committee. People may ask me to sponsor them and they need to be willing to do their part too. In the book it says, "We are willing to go to any lengths", and if you are desperate enough, you will do the steps. If you don't have the gift of desperation, then I can't help you anyway. A day at a time, I get closer to spending my time more wisely and where I can be of maximum use.
This may sound like judgment. And for this, I work on self-forgiveness. My Higher Power knows what I am going to discern/decide before it even becomes spoken and I am grateful knowing this.
Thank You Higher Power. Thank You for helping me with my people-pleasing. Thank You for showing me who to work with and what You would have me do. Thank You for your continued guidance. Thank You.
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