Transcended by the Happiness

"These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others."  Big Book, p159
I used to literally cringe when someone said, "you touched me when you said that" or "your sharing really spoke to my heart".  At first, I just didn't understand.  I had been in a state of numbness for so long that I was truly afraid that letting someone into my heart would surely kill me.   Then, I was jealous and envious because the people who said that looked happy and I couldn't get it. I suffered from a lack of trust, but I knew how I was approaching this wasn't working either.  I had to surrender my life (not just the alcohol) to a Power greater than myself.  This process allowed me to open up to others a little bit more each day.  I relate to others in a way I never thought possible I no longer felt/feel all alone.  I was at home with a group of irritable, discontented, "trying to stay sober" people who knew exactly how and what I was/am.  A day at a time, I work with others because I feel this incredible at-one-ness. 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me what this prayer/poem means.  "I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three." ~  William Blake.  Thank you.