The Result Was Nil Until...

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.   Big Book, p58

Giving up alcohol feels like jumping off a cliff.  It is incredibly scary.  And I get no results if I don't let go? 

What will life be like without alcohol? How will I function?  People might see how awful I really am and that frightens me.  So many thoughts come in and try to draw me back into the disease.  How cunning, baffling and powerful!
Letting go of old ideas is a difficult process for me.  I have so many preconceived notions of how things should be.  I live in all of these systems, routines and places that all look different, but all of them could be called 'comfort zones'.   And often these zones are destructive.   They cause most of my suffering, resentment, fear and anger.  I often get attached to the negative emotions themselves because they are so familiar to me.  The Big Book tells me to let go absolutely!  Let go and trust in a Higher Power.  How do I do that when I don't know how to trust?  I talk to my Higher Power and say what is inside of me.  I pray for guidance and the willingness to become willing to trust.  As I do this, more is revealed.  I begin to experinece the promises.  I seek less for myself.  I stop designing the lighting and the stage.  I begin to face life successfully with a new Presence to rely upon.  Fear begins to be removed. 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the courage to stay abstinent.  Thank You for strengthening my faith in You.  Thank You for never letting me fall without being there to catch me.  Thank You. 

~*~*~
Right after I prepared this post for the morning, this came to me in my inbox..  I would like to include it in case it may help someone (and me) along the way...

Daily Om
April 23, 2012
Willingness to Feel
Opening to Understanding

... When we are resisting something based on a limited understanding, we must then open ourselves to willingness.

There are times when we may find ourselves struggling or even fighting with our thoughts and emotions. We may feel that something must be done in a certain way or not at all, or there may be some other situation that feels absolutely black and white. But life is not this way—it’s the way we are looking at our experiences that is causing the turmoil within us. When we become aware that the struggle we are having is with ourselves, we can turn our attention to the source in order to solve the problem, but we must be being willing to look where we need to and feel emotions that may make us uncomfortable at first. Then we can choose to really open ourselves to understanding all the options we can imagine. We are likely to discover that we are resisting something based on a limited understanding, and we must then open ourselves to willingness.

When we are willing to look at all the possibilities, we also become willing to accept that there is room for more than we can imagine. We can release ourselves from the grip we had on our emotions and stop limiting ourselves. We may have been unwilling to experience feeling loss, confusion, fear, or even joy for some reason or another, but when we realize that our understanding was limited we allow space for the universe to move in our lives.

Opening ourselves to willingness may feel like we are surrendering or abandoning all that we believed. But at the same time it is an act of power and courage because it is a conscious choice we make about how to apply our personal will. Being willing is to be in a state of willing something into creation. It is at once allowing ourselves to be while also choosing to direct our energy in a focused way. It is being and doing from a place of openness, where we can work with the universe rather than resist it. It is an open hand rather than one that is clenched into a fist. When we make a step toward willingness, we open ourselves to truth, possibility, and the movement of the wise universe in and through our lives.