Effect

 

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless
they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity."

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor's Opinion, pg. xxviii~

It's been a while since I have blogged, but writing is always one of my best coping tools when I am out of sorts and feeling such a depth of powerlessness.  In spite of the fact that life is in session and isn't what I would call "perfect", I do have a sense of ease and comfort without drink.  I know that no matter what happens in and around my life, that drinking will only make things worse.  I will lose my ability to be of service to others.  I will forget how to take care of myself and the 'effect' will be my only pursuit.  I am so grateful for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Problem Solved

 

 

"If God can solve the age-old riddle of alcoholism, He can solve your problems too."  Big Book, p116

This has been one of the facts of my experience.  I have had many obsessions removed by relying on God.  There is nothing that God can't handle.  All I need to do is look at the facts objectively as possible, spend time in prayer in meditation, and act on any intuition I receive.  And, if there is something I cannot change (people, places and things), then God will handle all that and I don't need to worry about it.  It is sooo simple, yet sooo hard for a control freak like me!  I am reminded of a saying, "If you pray, why worry and if you worry, why pray".

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for Your patience with me.  Thank You for removing so many obsessions from me and thank You for taking care of the defects I have been willing to let go of.  Thank You.

Scales of Pride

"Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view." Big Book, p12

I want Him enough!

Thank You Higher Power. Thank You for bringing this ego into awareness. Thank You for stopping me in my tracks when I want to be right rather than kind. Thank You.

Self-Seeking

THE A.A. PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.


Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.





From self-seeking to seeking Self.  That is my journey.  This is the journey from head to heart.   This is the journey from chaos to peace.  This is the journey from separation to unity.   This is the journey from resistance and fear to acceptance and love. This is where I understand my relationship with my Creator.  This is where I understand where my place is with my Fellows.  Unique, special and loved on the earthly plane, yet exactly the same in Spirit.  Self-seeking slips away because I find myself in You and you.  There is no Self without all of you and You.


Thank You Higher Power.  Simply Thank You.  For the lessons, for the love, for the discipline, for the adversity, for the growth....  Thank You.


Other promises found in the Big Book can be seen here:  


http://friendsofbillw.net/the_big_book_promises

Fine Doctors

 

 

"God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies." Big Book, p133


This is a hard one for me to accept.  I hear from a great many people that Doctors, pharmaceuticals and insurance companies are just after money and that I should always be skeptical.   I am already a bit of a naturalist in that I only take medicine if I feel terrible and even then I wrestle with taking tylenol.


I have just begun a new process of taking care of myself this month.  I have been to several doctors for all of my annual checkups, including the dentist, which I barely tolerate.  I have asked their guidance on what is best and when I should take medicines, rely on food changes, etc.  


I take the time to find the root of the problem (usually rooted in some kind of fear) and I approach it holistically, by doing Step Work to cleanse my mind and by eating the right foods that support wellness and healing.  


I focus on "Loving my Body" as it houses Spirit.  It is a temple and should be treated accordingly.  I have to use the Serenity Prayer for the wisdom to know the difference a lot of the time.  I have to be willing to look for a doctor that I respect and will heed.  That is part of my footwork in getting any treatments I might need.  I focus on loving my body as it is a temple for Spirit and let go of any fear.  I trust that God will lead me to the right people to provide me the best care.


Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me the path of healing and wholeness.  Thank You for guidance in all things medical, so that I may be well in body, mind and spirit.  May I do Thy Will always.  

Unlovely Creature

"An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature." Big Book, p16


I wish I had a then and now picture!  Oh wait, I do.  My driver's licenses.  


In my picture in 2002, I looked like a thug with uncombed hair that was wild and awful.  I look like I just woke up.  I was expressionless.  My face was ruddy from the effects of no sleep, drugs, smoking, gambling and alcohol.  I struggled with depression and mania.  I cried in fits of rage and yelled at my kids.  I was truly an unlovely creature!!


In my picture in 2008, I looked entirely transformed.  My hair was straightened, shiny and combed.  I was smiling (even after sitting at the DMV).  My skin was vibrant and glowing.  And one day at a time, my attitude gets better and better.


Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the gift of living.  Thank You for removing my craving for alcohol and for showing me how close I really was to dying.  Thank You.

Now These Are About To Be Cast Out

 

 

"Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we
have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter."  Big Book, p72

I am so grateful for my Sponsors past and present.  I am grateful that each one has listened to my inventory and allowed it to be what it is.  I wasn't chastised for any behaviors.  I wasn't pitied for any incidents where I might have been labeled 'victim'.  These Sponsors just listened, offered compassion, some good laughs and even shared their own experiences if they were similar to mine.  The freedom of knowing I am not the only one has been a catapult in my life.  Before program, I was isolated and I thought I had been the only one to endure what I endured.  As a result of Step Five, I was able to release resentments.  I thought I was the only one to commit certain acts that were unhealthy and harmful to myself and others.  As a result of Step Five, I was able to release guilt, shame and remorse and trade these in for an actual 'learning of the lesson' that I was being taught.  

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the freedom of the bondage of self.  Thank You for the intimacy I am learning with Self.  And Thank You for the loving support throughout this journey of life.  Thank You.

God Is

"God is everything or else He is nothing.  God either is, or He isn't.  What was our choice to be?"  Big Book, p53

This drives it home.  There is no room left to wiggle out of it any longer.  It's either yes or no.  When I look at the stars in the sky, the flowers in bloom, or I take a journey through my past, I can see there is God.  The rotation of sun and moon controlling the tides.  The fact that I am alive, in spite of some scary choices I have made in the past.  Yes, there must be a God or I wouldn't be here.


Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me the many things You care for, including me.  Thank You.

Daily Reprieve

"What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."  Big Book, p85
How do I maintain my spiritual condition?  I go to meetings.  I meet with my sponsor regularly and work the steps and the traditions I try to practice them in all of my affairs.  I practice prayer in the morning, "Thy Will Be Done" and prayer in the evening, "Thank You".  I journal frequently, both on paper and electronically.  I meet with other recovering alcoholics on a regular basis.  And I watch my thoughts for stinkin-thinkin!

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for giving me these wonderful tools of recovery.  Thank You for making the phone not actually feel like the 1000 lbs. my head tells me it weighs.  Thank You for lifting denial from me about my illness so I remain humble enough to use these tools of recovery.  Thank You.

Placing the Problem

"If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God's hands."  Big Book, p120

Even though this excerpt is from Chapter "To Wives", I find it applies to me as the alcoholic as well.  Repetition in this sense means insanity or "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results".  And for me, to avoid repetition of my addiction, my character defects or even negative thoughts, I find that the best thing for me to do is to stop, slow down for a moment and offer it to my Higher Power.  I deny my ability to handle it and surrender it.  And, God always does for me what I cannot do for myself.  The more I remember this and practice this principle, the more serenity and peace I experience.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for this new way of thinking and living.  Thank You for handling my burdens and making the terms easier for me.  Thank You.

Seriously Alcoholic

"If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort." Big Book, p25

I am willing to accept spiritual help today.  I nearly died from trying to blot out all consciousness of anything going on in my life.  I was one of those people driven by 1000 forms of fear and self-delusion and I didn't even know it.  I acknowledge that the fear still exists now, but it doesn't drive me to drink.  I have a Higher Power that loves me and that I trust with almost all of my affairs.  I have a Fellowship of men and women I can talk too when things get rough because I forget I can trust my Higher Power.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for taking care of every detail of my life.  Thank You for the Love You have given me within and the Love You have manifested through the Group.  Thank You. 
 

Simple, But Not Easy

"Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid.  It meant destruction of self-centeredness.  I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all."  Big Book, p14

This is a big price and so worth it!  I have found that the only way to do this is by working the steps.  The steps break through the denial.  Beginning with prayer to the Father of Light, I ask that He show me what I need to see for this day, for the step work I am about to begin and I pray for His Will to be done.  As I write, I discover my side of the street.  I see the manipulation, the control, the self-centered behaviors.  I continue to put it down in black and white not worrying yet about sharing this with someone.  I keep my writing safely stored.  When I am done for the period, I say a short prayer of gratitude and let go and let God.  When I meet with my sponsor, I share what I have written, learned and my feelings about what I wrote down.  My sponsor helps me see clearly where I have too much guilt, false responsibility and fear.  And, as I become willing to release some of my shortcomings, we offer and turn in my character defects for God to work with them, on His time.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for your grace in revealing my self-centered behaviors.  Thank You for showing me the difference between being selfish (e.g., going to meetings and taking care of myself) and selfish self-centeredness (e.g., expecting others to revolve around me).  Thank You for being the Loving Light that you are.  Thank You.

Digesting Some Big Chunks

"In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself."  Big Book, p70

I am grateful for this process.  When I first began to accept the truth about how sick I really was and am still, I got to see the power of God in action.  I could see where I could not control my behaviors for any length of time.  This includes my alcoholism/addictions as well as the rest of my shortcomings.  I could see fear was at the root of most of my problems.  Having made this beginning, I experienced more willingness to continue.  That has been one of the gifts I've received in recovery.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for helping me make this beginning.  If I had not found You in Step 2 and learned to trust You in Step 3, I could not have faced squarely the facts about this illness.  Thank You for Your Grace in showing me the truth about my behaviors.  Thank You.
 

A Few Simple Rules

"On the other hand -- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand -- once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."  Big Book, p xxix

What a gift it is to have the obsession removed!  All it seemed to take in the beginning was a little willingness on my part.  I was willing to go to meetings.  I was willing to find a sponsor.  I was willing to ask for help.  I was willing to work the steps.  I was willing to go to any lengths.  As I became willing, the opportunities revealed themselves over and over and over as I inched forward on this path of recovery.  What a blessing!

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for not making the terms to hard for me.  I wanted recovery and I wanted to understand You.  Thank You for revealing Yourself to me through this Fellowship of the Spirit.  Thank You.

Our Ideas Did Not Work

" When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did." Big Book, p52

"My best thinking got me here" is something I often say at meetings.  It reminds me that when I try to run the show I ended making a mess.  God has a way of turning my messes into messages.  Once I put my trust in God in Step 3, I saw doubt turn into Faith.  It took surrender.  And it took action.  I was willing to try anything to not drink again.  It was this gift of desperation that led me to the shore of Faith.  And for that, I am grateful.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for listening.  Thank You for turning despair into hope, doubt and fear into faith and loneliness into fellowship. Thank You.

A Higher Power for Atheists

I have had many experiences with atheists, mostly good. Everybody in A.A. has the right to his own opinion. It is much better to maintain an open and tolerant society than it is to suppress any small disturbances their opinions might occasion. Actually, I don't know of anybody who went off and died of alcoholism because of some atheist's opinions on the cosmos.

But I do always entreat these folks to look to a 'Higher Power' -namely, their own group. When they come in, most of their A.A. group is sober, and they are drunk. Therefore, the group is a 'Higher Power.' That's a good enough start, and most of them do progress from there. I know how they feel, because I was once that way myself.

LETTER, 1962
As Bill Sees It, p276

I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous yesterday called, We Agnostics.  I was stunned.  Everyone there was so incredibly honest with their feelings about humanity, their Higher Power.  They questioned everything!  After the meeting, some of them stayed behind to talk and I felt very welcome there.    I saw my Higher Power working through them, regardless of what their ideals were. 

I did notice a flicker of intolerance within me when the meeting was not closed with the Serenity Prayer or the Lord's Prayer, but it seemed to be more of a discomfort of what I am accustomed to, rather than a harsh judgment.   And, it probably didn't hurt that I saw signs that said "Live and Let Live" all around the room.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for loving each of us in our own diversity.  We are all different, but we are all One in Your Spirit, Your Love and I am grateful because I think life would be kind of boring if we were all the same.  Thank You.

Clearing A Channel

During the day, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request "Thy will, not mine, be done."

If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditations. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all -- our search for God's will, not our own, in the moment of stress.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p102-103

The theme this week appears to be decision-making, although that isn't my doing.  My Higher Power must want to help me make better decisions and is supplementing my toolbox.  I get up in the morning and one of the first things I say is "Thy Will Be Done".  Somehow I thought that would get me through the day on His Will and not mine.  This hasn't proven to be true for me.  In a blink of an eye, my ego can swell to an unimaginable size and completely remove from my awareness all connection to my true spiritual nature.  I am self-will run riot and back to fixing, patching and 'managing' again. 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for removing from me this defect of character that I may better know Thy Will.  Thank You for relieving me of the bondage of self, that I may be an instrument of Your Peace.  Thank You.

The Hour of Decision

Not all large decisions can be well made by simply listing the pros and cons of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the voice of intuition. If, in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.

If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance, and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation, logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.

But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear. Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience.Letter, 1966
As Bill Sees It, p202

Yesterday there was a lot of talk in the meeting about decision-making and this was the first page I turned to in AA material this morning.  I have accepted that my decisions will either produce a learning experience for me or they will be God's will for me and I will experience the happiness, joyousness and freedom the book talks about.  The part I am still working on is being still enough to listen for the small voice within.  I consistently make decisions based on old ideas and some of them are no longer valid.  It is hard for me to break the hypnosis and patterns of 'what has been' in my life.  I am one of those who lean on reason far too much that last mile.  Today, I will slow down and listen to that small voice within.  Thy Will, not mine, be done.

Thank you Higher Power.  Thank You for your neverending patience with my unlearning old ideas that block me from the Sunlight of Spirit.  Thank You for giving me tools that will help me make decisions that are healthy and according to purpose.  Thank You.

Hearts Are Broken

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.  Hearts are broken.  Sweet relationships are dead.  Affections have been uprooted.  Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.  We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.  Big Book, p82

This was a difficult passage to hear when I was just starting my recovery.  I wanted to come up out of the storm cellar and say, "hey look honey, it's over" and get everyone so involved in the joy that I got sober and stop there.  I wasn't initially interested in cleaning up the damage the tornado (me) had caused either.  I expected everyone to trust me even though I had hurt them.  I expected them to treat me well and start me off on a clean slate just because I wasn't drinking.  I wanted a magic eraser to clear up the harm I had caused.  Only through working the steps, making amends to those I had wronged and becoming a living amends by not continuing the old behaviors has my life begun to change.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank You for the steps.  Thank You for not being to hard on me and making this new way of life possible.  Thank You. 

Twisted Relations

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.  Page 53, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Four

Twisted relations is right!  I did not realize how much we hold one another hostage until I began to share my 4th Step with my sponsor.  I saw how my own reaction and resentments are what shut me off from the Sunlight of the Spirit and it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.  I was such a big shot, or so I thought.   Every relation I had was based on a lie because I always kept the truth hidden, altered the truth or blatantly lied.  Much of the manipulation that I pulled off took the rights from other people.  All of their decisions regarding our interactions were founded in lies and half-truths.  How can I expect to be in a partnership with this kind of behavior?  It was always about me, me and me! 

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the willingness to look at my defects of character.  Thank You for the willingness to write down those I have harmed.  Thank You for turning my big mess in to a message You can carry to others through me and my experiences.  Thank You.

Tradition Twelve

  Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.  Tradition Twelve

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Subordinating personal aims to the common good is the essence of all Twelve Traditions. Why A.A. could not remain a secret society. Principles come before personalities. One hundred percent anonymity at the public level. Anonymity is real humility.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Why is it good idea for me to place the common welfare of all AA members before individual welfare? What would happen to me if AA as a whole disappeared?
2. When I do not trust AA’s current servants, who do I wish had the authority to straighten them out?
3. In my opinions of and remarks about other AAs, am I implying membership requirements other than a desire to stay sober?
4. Do I ever try to get a certain AA group to conform to my standards, not its own?
5. Have I a personal responsibility in helping an AA group fulfill its primary purpose? What is my part?
6. Does my personal behavior reflect the Sixth Tradition—or belie it?
7. Do I do all I can do to support AA financially? When is the last time I anonymously gave away a Grapevine subscription?
8. Do I complain about certain AAs’ behavior—especially if they are paid to work for AA? Who made me so smart?
9. Do I fulfill all AA responsibilities in such a way as to please privately even my own conscience? Really?
10. Do my utterances always reflect the Tenth Tradition, or do I give AA critics real ammunition?
11. Should I keep my AA membership a secret, or reveal it in private conversation when that may help another alcoholic (and therefore me)? Is my brand of AA so attractive that other drunks want it?
12. What is the real importance of me among more than a million AAs?

Tradition Eleven

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.  Tradition Eleven


From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Public relations are important to A.A. Good public relations save lives. We seek publicity for A.A. principles, not A.A. members. The press has cooperated. Personal anonymity at the public level is the cornerstone of our public relations policy. Eleventh Tradition is a constant reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A. Each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship.


Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I sometimes promote AA so fanatically that I make it seem unattractive?
2. Am I always careful to keep the confidences reposed in me as an AA member?
3. Am I careful about throwing AA names around—even within the Fellowship?
4. Am I ashamed of being a recovered, or recovering, alcoholic?
5. What would AA be like if we were not guided by the ideas in Tradition Eleven? Where would I be?
6. Is my AA sobriety attractive enough that a sick drunk would want such a quality for himself?

Tradition Ten

Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.  Tradition Ten

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
A.A. does not take sides in any public controversy. Reluctance to fight is not a special virtue. Survival and spread of A.A. are our primary aims. Lessons learned from Washingtonian movement.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I ever give the impression that there really is an “AA opinion” on Antabuse? Tranquilizers? Doctors? Psychiatrists? Churches? Hospitals? Jails? Alcohol? The federal or state government? Legalizing marijuana? Vitamins? Al-Anon? Alateen?
2. Can I honestly share my own personal experience concerning any of those without giving the impression I am stating the “AA opinion”?
3. What in AA history gave rise to our Tenth Tradition?
4. Have I had a similar experience in my own AA life?
5. What would AA be without this Tradition? Where would I be?
6. Do I breach this or any of its supporting Traditions in subtle, perhaps unconscious, ways?
7. How can I manifest the spirit of this Tradition in my personal life outside AA? Inside AA?

Tradition Nine

AA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Tradition Nine
From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Special service boards and committees. The General Service Conference, the board of trustees, and group committees cannot issue directives to A.A. members or groups. A.A.'s can't be dictated to— individually or collectively. Absence of coercion works because unless each A.A. follows suggested Steps to recovery, he signs his own death warrant. Same condition applies to the group. Suffering and love are A.A.'s disciplinarians. Difference between spirit of authority and spirit of service. Aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I still try to boss things in AA?
2. Do I resist formal aspects of AA because I fear them as authoritative?
3. Am I mature enough to understand and use all elements of the AA program—even if no one makes me do so—with a sense of personal responsibility?
4. Do I exercise patience and humility in any AA job I take?
5. Am I aware of all those to whom I am responsible in any AA job?
6. Why doesn’t every AA group need a constitution and bylaws?
7. Have I learned to step out of an AA job gracefully—and profit thereby—when the time comes?
8. What has rotation to do with anonymity?  With humility?

Tradition Eight

Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Tradition Eight
From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
You can't mix the Twelfth Step and money. Line of cleavage between voluntary Twelfth Step work and paid-for services. A.A. could not function without full-time service workers. Professional workers are not professional A.A.'s. Relation of A.A. to industry, education, etc. Twelfth Step work is never paid for, but those who labor in service for us are worthy of their hire.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Is my own behavior accurately described by the Traditions? If not, what needs changing?
2. When I chafe about any particular Tradition, do I realize how it affects others?
3. Do I sometimes try to get some reward—even if not money—for my personal AA efforts?
4. Do I try to sound in AA like an expert on alcoholism? On recovery? On medicine? On sociology? On AA itself? On psychology? On spiritual matters? Or, heaven help me, even on humility?
5. Do I make an effort to understand what AA employees do? What workers in other alcoholism agencies do? Can I distinguish clearly among them?
6. In my own AA life, have I any experiences which illustrate the wisdom of this Tradition?
7. Have I paid enough attention to the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions? To the pamphlet AA Tradition—How It Developed?

Tradition Seven

Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Tradition Seven

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
No A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this one did. Collective poverty initially a matter of necessity. Fear of exploitation. Necessity of separating the spiritual from the material. Decision to subsist on A.A. voluntary contributions only. Placing the responsibility of supporting A.A. headquarters directly upon A.A. members. Bare running expenses plus a prudent reserve is headquarters policy.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Honestly now, do I do all I can to help AA (my group, my central office, my GSO) remain self-supporting? Could I put a little more into the basket on behalf of the new guy who can’t afford it yet? How generous was I when tanked in a barroom?
2. Should the Grapevine sell advertising space to book publishers and drug companies, so it could make a big profit and become a bigger magazine, in full color, at a cheaper price per copy?
3. If GSO runs short of funds some year, wouldn’t it be okay to let the government subsidize AA groups in hospitals and prisons?
4. Is it more important to get a big AA collection from a few people, or a smaller collection in which more members participate?
5. Is a group treasurer’s report unimportant AA business? How does the treasurer feel about it?
6. How important in my recovery is the feeling of self-respect, rather than the feeling of being always under obligation for charity received?

Tradition Six

An AA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Tradition Six

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Experience proved that we could not endorse any related enterprise, no matter how good. We could not be all things to all men. We saw that we could not lend the A.A. name to any outside activity.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Should my fellow group members and I go out and raise money to endow several AA beds in our local hospital?
2. Is it good for a group to lease a small building?
3. Are all the officers and members of our local club for AAs familiar with “Guidelines on Clubs” (which is available free from GSO)?
4. Should the secretary of our group serve on the mayor’s advisory committee on alcoholism?
5. Some alcoholics will stay around AA only if we have a TV and card room. If this is what is required to carry the message to them, should we have these facilities?

Tradition Five

Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Tradition Five

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Better do one thing well than many badly. The life of our Fellowship depends on this principle. The ability of each A.A. to identify himself with and bring recovery to the newcomer is a gift from God . . . passing on this gift to others is our one aim. Sobriety can't be kept unless it is given away.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I ever cop out by saying, “I’m not a group, so this or that Tradition doesn’t apply to me”?
2. Am I willing to explain firmly to a newcomer the limitations of AA help, even if he gets mad at me for not giving him a loan?
3. Have I today imposed on any AA member for a special favor or consideration simply because I am a fellow alcoholic?
4. Am I willing to twelfth-step the next newcomer without regard to who or what is in it for me?
5. Do I help my group in every way I can to fulfill our primary purpose?
6. Do I remember that AA old-timers, too, can be alcoholics who still suffer? Do I try both to help them and to learn from them?

Tradition Four

  Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.  Tradition Four

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Every group manages its affairs as it pleases, except when A.A. as a whole is threatened. Is such liberty dangerous? The group, like the individual, must eventually conform to principles that guarantee survival. Two storm signals— a group ought not do anything which would injure A.A. as a whole, nor affiliate itself with outside interests. An example: the “A.A. Center” that didn't work.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I insist that there are only a few right ways of doing things in AA?
2. Does my group always consider the welfare of the rest of AA? Of nearby groups? Of Loners in Alaska? Of Internationalists miles from port? Of a group in Rome or El Salvador?
3. Do I put down other members’ behavior when it is different from mine, or do I learn from it?
4. Do I always bear in mind that, to those outsiders who know I am in AA, I may to some extent represent our entire beloved Fellowship?
5. Am I willing to help a newcomer go to any lengths—his lengths, not mine—to stay sober?
6. Do I share my knowledge of AA tools with other members who may not have heard of them?

Tradition Three

 The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.  Tradition Three

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Early intolerance based on fear. To take away any alcoholic's chance an A.A. was sometimes to pronounce his death sentence. Membership regulations abandoned. Two
examples of experience. Any alcoholic is a member of A.A. when he says so.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. In my mind, do I prejudge some new AA members as losers?
2. Is there some kind of alcoholic whom I privately do not want in my AA group?
3. Do I set myself up as a judge of whether a newcomer is sincere or phony?
4. Do I let language, religion (or lack of it), race, education, age, or other such things interfere with my carrying the message?
5. Am I overimpressed by a celebrity? By a doctor, a clergyman, an ex-convict? Or can I just treat this new member simply and naturally as one more sick human, like the rest of us?
6. When someone turns up at AA needing information or help (even if he can’t ask for it aloud), does it really matter to me what he does for a living? Where he lives? What his domestic arrangements are? Whether he had been to AA before? What his other problems are?

Tradition Two

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may
express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.  Tradition Two

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Where does A.A. get its direction? Sole authority in A.A. is loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. Formation of a group. Growing ains. Rotating committees are servants of the group. Leaders do not govern, they serve. Does A.A. have a real leadership? “Elder statesmen” and “bleeding deacons.” The group conscience speaks.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:
1. Do I criticize or do I trust and support my group officers, AA committees, and office
workers? Newcomers? Old-timers?
2. Am I absolutely trustworthy, even in secret, with AA Twelfth Step jobs or other AA
responsibility?
3. Do I look for credit in my AA jobs? Praise for my AA ideas?
4. Do I have to save face in group discussion, or can I yield in good spirit to the group
conscience and work cheerfully along with it?
5. Although I have been sober a few years, am I still willing to serve my turn at AA chores?
6. In group discussions, do I sound off about matters on which I have no experience and
little knowledge?

Tradition One

Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.   Tradition One
From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Contents:
Without unity, A.A. dies. Individual liberty, yet great unity. Key to paradox: each A.A.'s life depends on obedience to spiritual principles. The group must survive or the individual will not. Common welfare comes first. How best to live and work together as groups.

Focus Questions from The Grapevine:1. Am I in my group a healing, mending, integrating person, or am I divisive? What about gossip and taking other members’ inventories?2. Am I a peacemaker? Or do I, with pious preludes such as “just for the sake of discussion,” plunge into argument? 3. Am I gentle with those who rub me the wrong way, or am I abrasive?4. Do I make competitive AA remarks, such as comparing one group with another or contrasting AA in one place with AA in another?5. Do I put down some AA activities as if I were superior for not participating in this or that aspect of AA?6. Am I informed about AA as a whole? Do I support, in every way I can, AA as a whole, or just the parts I understand and approve of? 7. Am I as considerate of AA members as I want them to be of me? 8. Do I spout platitudes about love while indulging in and secretly justifying behavior that bristles with hostility?9. Do I go to enough AA meetings or read enough AA literature to really keep in touch? 10. Do I share with AA all of me, the bad and the good, accepting as well as giving the help of fellowship?

Step Twelve

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of working these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.  Step Twelve, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Joy of living is the theme of the Twelfth Step.  Action its keyword.  Giving that asks no reward.  Love that has no price tag.  What is spiritual awakening?  A new state of consciousness and being is received as a free gift.  Readiness to receive gift lies in practice of Twelve Steps.  The magnificent reality.  Rewards of helping other alcoholics.  Kinds of Twelfth Step work.  Problems of Twelfth Step work.  What about the practice of these principles in all our affairs?  Monotony, pain, and calamity turned to good use by practice of Steps.  Difficulties of practice.  "Two-stepping".  Switch to "twelve-stepping" and demonstrations of faith.  Growing spiritually is the answer to our problems.  Placing spiritual growth first.  Domination and overdependence.  Putting our lives on give-and-take basis.  Dependence upon God necessary to recovery of alcoholics.  "Practicing these principles in all our affairs":  Domestic relations in AA.  Outlook upon material matters changes. So do feelings about personal importance.  Instincts restored to true purpose.  Understanding is key to right attitudes, right action key to good living.  

Reading Assignment:
Step Twelve - Read - Chapter 7 - Working with Others
Step Twelve - Page 106-1258 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
What has my awakening looked like?  Share examples of awakenings.
How do I contribute in Service to AA?
Do I practice the principles in all my affairs?

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Eleven

  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  Step Eleven, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Meditation and prayer main channels to Higher Power.  Connection between self-examination and meditation and prayer.  An unshakable foundation for life.  How shall we meditate?  Meditation has no boundaries.  An individual adventure. First result is emotional balance.  What about prayer?  Daily petitions for understanding of God's will and grace to carry it out.  Actual results of prayer are beyond question.  Rewards of meditation and prayer.
   
Reading Assignment:
Step Eleven - Re-Read - Chapter 6 - Into Action (focus on pages 85-88)
Step Eleven - Page 96-105 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Is there anything preventing me from practicing meditation?
How do I tell between my Higher Power's will and my own rationalizations?
Where do I draw my source of power and inspiration to carry out my Higher Power's will?

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Ten

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  Step Ten, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Can we stay sober and keep emotional balance under all conditions?  Self-searching becomes a regular habit.  Admit, accept, and patientlyc orrect defects.  Emotional hangover.  When past is settled with, present challenges can be met.  Varieties of inventory.  Anger, resentments, jealousy, envy, self-pity, hurt pride - all led to the bottle.  Self-restraint first objective.  Insurance against "big-shot-ism".  Let's look at credits as well as debits.  Examination of motives. 

Reading Assignment:
Step Ten - Re-Read - Chapter 6 - Into Action (focus on pages 84-85)
Step Ten - Page 88-95 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Do I have an attitude of gratitude?
Do I promptly make amends, when necessary?
Do I forgive myself when I have a 'forgetter' day and begin to run on self-will?
Am I making spiritual progress?


***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Nine

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.  Step Nine, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
A tranquil mind is the first requisite for good judgment.  Good timing is important in making amends.  What is courage?  Prudence means taking calculated chances.  Amends begin when we join AA.  Peace of mind cannot be bought at the expense of others.  Need for discretion.  Readiness to take consquences of our past and to take responsibility for well-being of oithers is spirit of Step Nine.

Reading Assignment:
Step Nine - Re-Read - Chapter 6 - Into Action (focuse on the promises on page 83.."If we are painstaking...")
Step Nine - Page 77-87 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Am I willing to make amends to all those I have harmed? Is there someone I want to leave out? Please explain.
What are living amends and how can I apply that to my list of people harmed?
What has been my experience in making amends so far? 
Why does the book say, "Peace of mind cannot be bought at the expense of others"?  Does this apply to any of my amends?

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Eight

  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.  Step Eight, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
This and the next two Steps are concerned with personal relations.  Learning to live with others is a fascinating adventure.  Obstacles: reluctance to forgive, nonadmission of wrongs to others; purposeful forgetting.  Necessity of exhaustive survey of the past.  Deepening insight results from thoroughness.   Kinds of harms done to others.  Avoiding extreme judgments.  Taking the object view.  Step Eigth is the beginning of the end of isolation.

Reading Assignment:
Step Eight - Re-Read - Chapter 6 - Into Action
Step Eight - Page 70-76 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Does taking this step indicate a change in attitude for me?
Approximately how many people have I adversely affected in my life?
What is the difference between wanting to do something and being willing to do it? Give a personal example.
How do I define self-discipline?
What is my experience of forgiving and being forgiven?
Am I willing to forgive those who have done me harm? Why or why not?
Am I willing to make amends to all those I have harmed? Please explain.


***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Seven

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.  Step Seven, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
What is humility? What can it mean to us?  the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit.  Necessary aid to survival.  Value of ego-puncturing.  Failure and misery transformed by humility.  Strength from weakness.  Pain is the admission price to new life.  Self-centered fear chief activator of defects.  Step Seven is change in attitude which permits us to move out of ourselves toward God.

Reading Assignment:
Step Seven - Re-Read - Chapter 6  - Into Action
Step Seven - Page 70-76 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
A few questions for focus:
Does taking this step indicate a change in attitude for me?
What in this prayer am I unwilling to say and believe?  Can I adjust this prayer to fit my particular belief system while maintaining the integrity of the prayer and my willingness to allow my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings?

 "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Six

Were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character.  Step Six, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Step Six necessary to spiritual growth.  The beginning of a lifetime job.  Recognition of difference between striving for objective - and perfection.  Why we must keep trying.  "Being ready" is all-important.  Necessity of taking action.  Delay is dangerous.  Rebellion may be fatal.  Point at which we abandon limited objectives and move toward God's will for us. 

Reading Assignment:
Step Six - Re-Read - Chapter 6  - Into Action
Step Six - Page 63-69 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Reflect on what you have learned about fearlessness, humility and honesty.  How do you utilize these realities in your life today?
How are defects of character lifted from you? 
How are the three parts of the program coming together in your life today?  (spiritual, emotional, physical)

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God***

Step Five

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  Step Five, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Twelve steps deflate ego.  Step Five is difficult but necessary to sobriety and peace of mind.  Confession is an ancient discipline.  Without fearless admission of defects, few could stay sober.  What do we receive from Step Five?  Beginning of true kinship with man and God.  Lose sense of isolation, receive forgiveness and give it; learn humility; gain honesty and realism about ourselves.  Necessity for complete honesty.  Danger of rationalization.  How to choose the person in whom to confide.  Results are tranquility and consciousness of God.  Oneness with God and man prepares us for following Steps. 

Reading Assignment:
Step Five - Chapter 6  - Into Action
Step Five - Page 55-62 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

A few questions for focus:
Have I been living alone with any of my secrets?
How do I feel about admitting my wrongs to God, myself and another human being?
Am I ready to give up my secrets?
What qualities am I looking for in someone with whom I would do my 5th Step?
Who do I trust to listen to my 4th Step work?

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Four

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  Step Four, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
How instincts can exceed their proper function.  Step Four is an effort to discover our liabilities.  Basic problem of extremes in instinctive drives.  Misguided moral inventory can result in guilt, grandiositiy, or blaming others.  Assets can be noted with liabilities.  Self-justification is dangerous.  Willingness to take inventory brings light and new confidence.  Step Four is beginning of lifetime practice.  Common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression.  Inventory reviews relationships.  Importance of thoroughness.

Reading Assignment:
Step Four - Re-read Chapter 5,  How It Works
Step Four - Page 42-54 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
A  variety of worksheets based on the Big Book on the 4th Step:

http://www.royy.com/step4.pdf
http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/show_docs.php?Type_ID=4
http://www.step12.com/step-4.html

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to teh care of God as we understood Him. Step One, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
Step Three is like opening of a locked door.  How shall we let God into our lives?  Willingness is the key.  Dependence as a means to independence.  Dangers of self-sufficiency.  Turning our will over to Higher Power.  Misuse of willpower.  Sustained and person exertion necessary to conform to God's will.

Reading Assignment:
Step Three -  5  - How It Works
Step Three - Page 35-42 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
A few questions for focus:
"Do you now decide to take the actions necessary to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him?"

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Step Two, Alcoholics Anonymous

Questions from the Contents page in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:

What can we believe in?  AA does not demand belief; Twelve Steps are only suggestions.  Importance of an open mind.  Variety of ways to faith.  Substitution of AA as Higher Power.  Plight of the disillusioned.  Roadbloacks of indifference and prejudice.  Lost faith found in AA.  Problems of intellectuality and self-sufficiency.  Negative and positive thinking.  Self-righteousness.  Defiance is an outstanding characteristic of alcoholics.  Step Two is a rallying point to sanity.  Right relation to God.

Reading Assignment:
Step Two - Chapters 2-4 in the Big Book
Step One - Page 25-33 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Ask yourself:
Do you NOW believe, or are you even WILLING to believe, that there IS a Power greater than yourself?

***This is not meant to substitute getting a sponsor***
***This is not meant to be a comprehensive Step***
***This is meant to be food for thought for me and if it helps you, then, "Thank You God"***

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.  Step One, Alcoholics Anonymous

Morning Thoughts

On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead.  We ask God to direct our thinking, expecially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives.  Free of these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use.  Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives.  Big Book, p86

I am grateful to be alive and awake this morning.   When I look at the damage I have done to myself and others I realize how fortunate I am just to be here.  And I am here with purpose this morning.  My purpose is to help those who still suffer and to move out of the way so God can work through me.  It seems so simple, but it is not so easy.  It is important for me to realize that I can't always believe in my own thinking because most of my thoughts are still dishonest and self-seeking.  And it was my best thinking that got me here!  My ego is this cunning, baffling, powerful entity that makes me feel so high and mighty and superior.  Sometimes my egoic thoughts are so subtle I can barely see it.  Whenever I feel "all prayed up" and spiritually fit, I can be sure that my ego is already starting to run the show as I abandon my state of surrender.   I have to stop at each thought I see and say, "God, what would you have me do?".  Otherwise, I slip back into a state of ego-consciousness and I continue to hurt people.  And if my actions continue to harm others, I will seek out my addictions for comfort.  And if I do that, I die.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for this daily reprieve today.  Thank You for Your continued guidance.  Thank You for divine order in my life where I used to see chaos and drama.  Thank You.

Lay Out The Kit Of Spiritual Tools

Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you, offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. Big Book p95

I have to work on this daily.  One of my shortcomings is self-righteous behavior and once I got into the program it became spiritual self-righteous behavior.  My disease constantly tells me I know what is better for someone else's recovery, but that is simply not the case.  I can look within and open up to guidance from my Higher Power for what is best for me in a situation, but I certainly can't do it for you or someone else.  I can listen.  I can point to the Steps and I can read the Big Book with you.  Anything outside of that is what another person's Higher Power is for.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me that I am not the answer.  I do not know the answers for another.  Thank You for allowing me to surrender this to You and for helping me to move out of the way.  Thank You. 

Big Book Resources

Online Big Book - You can sign up for interactive version:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Online Reading of the Big Book - Listen to the Big Book online:
http://www.recoveryzone.org/docs/bigbook.htm

History on the Writing of the Big Book:
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/history/a/blmitch8.htm

Some Big Book Study Guides:
http://bbstudyguide.org/
http://www.ppgaadallas.org/study_guide.htm
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/show_docs.php?Type_ID=13
http://www.lotusandrose.com/aa/aa_en/aa_en.html
http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/bbsguide.pdf

To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. Big Book, xiii

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for the abundance of recovery resources always available to me online and in print.  Thank You.  Thank You.  Thank You.

When The Spiritual Malady Is Overcome

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.  Big Book, p64

My sponsor told me to, " Just go to meetings.  Let everything else go and just go to meetings.  Go to meetings and things will begin to be resolved."  My response was, "but"...  I have to take care of this.  And I just lost my job, so I have to take care of that.  And my car was repossessed so I have to take care of that.  My daughter this, my son that...  I was a mental disaster full of control!  After all of my initial rebuttals, I listened to my sponsor and just went to meetings.  I believe this was the manifestation of surrender. I walked to many of meetings.  I met people for coffee since I didn't have a job and there was a void to fill.  I just kept going to meetings and started working the steps.  God made it real simple for me.  As a result, everything started to straighten out.  I can't tell you the how or thy why of it really, but I can tell you that I stopped worrying and started living this thing called "a day at a time".  It was my first spiritual awakening (I have lots of little ones).

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me how to live a day at a time.  Thank You for taking control from me the moment I surrendered it to You.  Thank You for putting me in the right place at the right time.  Thank You.

God Didn't Do It

We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. Big Book, p133
Basically, my troubles are of my own making.  I know that my reactions are what create trouble for me.   Either I think "this is terrible" or "why did it have to be this way?" and I react.  I play God.  Things are going to happen that cause pain, but becoming miserable over these events is a choice.  I can put my faith in a Higher Power and have serenity and peace knowing that although I may not understand, I know that there is a Force in the Universe available to me at all times.  Or, I can run around trying to patch holes in what I believe is going wrong.  When I choose God, I choose Peace.  This is not an avoidance of my problems.  This is actively and consciously choosing.  It demonstrates that my Higher Power is all powerful and can calm and heal my fears, my anxieties and my shame, even in the darkest of hours.  I just need to remember to choose. 
Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for Your Strength, Your Power and Your Love.  Thank You for taking me through many dark nights and for keeping me sober.  Thank You for showing me that Peace, Your Peace, is an option to me today.  Thank You.

Extravagant Promises

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Big Book, p84
They will always materialize if we work for them. 

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
My experience has shown that these promises do come true.  I have been amazed.  I know peace, which for me is freedom.  I don't regret my past and I am open to talking about it.  I just don't want to wallow in it.  My experience benefits others as long as I keep sponsoring and paying it forward.  I care about other people.   I have less fear of people and of economic insecurity.  I have had some beautiful intuitive insights into things I would have made mountains out of in my former life.  And I know, without a doubt that God does for me what I cannot do for myself.  These are facts for me and I believe that these are also based on maintenance of my spiritual condition. 
Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for these promises.  Thank You for inspiring Bill W. to write them.  Thank You for the hope, faith, life and love you have given me and my Fellow alcoholics.  Thank You. 

We Look On Them As Sick People

We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people.  Big Book, p70

The ISM is so sneaky!  You can't smell the ISM like you can the alcohol.  And just because I haven't had a drink today doesn't mean the ISM isn't there.  One definition of ISM is I Sponsor Myself.  This can be true when I ignore my human sponsor or my Higher Power.    Another definition is Internal Spiritual Malady.  When I don't align myself with God's Will, the ISM is sure to announce its arrival and that usually means a dose of humiliation for me.  I Sabotage Myself, Incrediby Short Memory and I/Self/Me are other versions of ISM.  In all cases that ISM spells out to me that I am back on the path of self-will run riot.  If my own disease is so cunning, how can I judge another person?  And if another person is destructive, I have to imagine what is going on inside them.  Afterall, you can only give away what you have and that goes for the disease as well as the solution.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for keeping me in a place of balance with my Fellows.  Thank You for showing me that I am no better than they are and for keeping me from self-righteous behavior today.  Thank You for showing me that I am no worse than they are and for keeping me from putting up a superior exterior.  Thank You. 

These Are Facts Out Of Our Experience

If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. Big Book, p70

This is part of my Tenth Step Inventory each evening.  I know that if I continue to physically harm others, harm others with gossip, which is murder by character assassination (12x12), or any form that harm might take, I put myself at risk for another drink.  I have noticed that when I drink I do not see consequences at all.  Now that I have been abstinent for a while, I see consequences that I never saw before.  This includes this link between harming others and drinking.  I know if I harm another, I am harming myself.  The guilt and shame prove that!  I did not recognize that the next step, which would relieve the guilt and shame temporarily, is to drink again.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for helping me see consequences.  Thank You for showing me how I am connected to the rest of my Fellows.  Thank You for your help in not allowing me to harm another person today.  Thank You.

How Can I Best Serve Thee

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. Big Book, p85

I have mirrored closet doors at home.  A few weeks ago, I needed this reminder so I took out some lipstick from the bathroom drawer and wrote on the mirror, "Relieve me of the bondage of self".  I want to remember the 3rd Step prayer each morning when I wake up.  It is not automatic for me.  My ego is so big that it is always trying to edge God out.  I try to say Thy Will be done each morning and I need a post-it note for that.  I keep my Big Book with me throughout the day, even at work (I bought a bible cover for it to maintain anonymity) to remind me that I am here to serve and not here to use and abuse other people.  It is difficult for me to break from the patterns of my old ways, but I trust that if I keep doing the legwork, God will continue to break my old ways and restore me to sanity.  This is the only way I can be of service, otherwise I will continue to transmit the disease and not the solution.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for showing me a new way of thinking and living.  Thank You for taking my willingness and turning it into something useful to you and my Fellows.  Thank You.

He Disclosed Himself To Us!

When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!  Big Book, p57

The more I stay in the solution, the more that is revealed to me.  If I don't take that first drink, I remain open.  If I don't take that first drink, I remain willing.  If I don't take that first drink, I can make conscious contact.  If I don't take that first drink, I harm others less.  If I don't take that first drink, He discloses Himself to me.  The onion is peeled and I am left without cover and I am not afraid.   I am not filled with fear all the time anymore.  I know my Higher Power is beautiful, loving and merciful.  I may face traumatic events, and have, without needing another drink.  I have a Higher Power I can rely on completely and fully.  I have learned a new way of life without alcohol.  I have found a spiritual way of life that brings me peace, joy and happiness.  As I trudge this road of happy destiny, I see Him.  I see Him in you.  He discloses Himself through prayer and meditation.  He discloses Himself through acts of kindness.  He discloses Himself in the magnificence of an angel oak tree.  He discloses Himself when another person shares at a meeting.  He is constantly disclosing Himself as I remain open to hear the message, experience the life and intuitively feel the connection to it all.

Thank You Higher Power.  Thank You for Your disclosures.  Thank You for this life.  Thank You for the connection to my brothers and sisters in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thank You.